A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI kind of panicked today since my bf of an year was heavily flirting with an other girl in IM. I snooped around his computer ( i know i shouldnt have done), and found out this and panicked and tried to call him 4-5 times within 4 hrs and he didnt respond even for one call. BTW he dont know that i knew about his flirting. He usually gets really really irritated if i call him more than once/twice and even told me few days ago that he is gonna dump me if i do this again. He has already dumped me twice and got back together after sometime. I am really scared that he is gonna leave me again. I dont know how to handle this situation anymore.Please help, i am not sure whether i have ruined all my chances with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011):
dump his ass girl, you deserve better, if he is not willing to put 100% into your relationship he wont be around for long im sorry but hunny are you listening to yourself you don't need anyones advice you need to look into your heart and do what is right for yourself.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 January 2011):
 You feel for him much more than he does for you. If he was truly into you, he wouldn't be flirting with other women using IM or any other method.
While it's always good not to be clingy with someone i.e. calling several times a day, texting many times with inane things like "I'm bored" or "do you love me?" or getting really emotional and weepy if he spends less than 5 days per week, this guy is not wanting a relationship. He's wanting a casual no-strings attached friend with benefits. He wants the sex, but not the relationship.
You are in a bad position because you are so needy for him that you're desperate for him. You're willing to be kicked, neglected, mistreated, cheated on, and emotionally abused because you're terrified of him leaving you. Break out of that!
Break off all contact. Let him eat static. You might want to see or talk to someone to address how little you think of yourself. But as for him, drop him forcefully from you life, get on with all of the grieving him, and move forward with your own life as a whole individual, because what you feel for him and how you allow him to treat you is not healthy at all.
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A
female
reader, LostInMyself +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Your chances?
He just seems to use you and manipulate you as his toy...
He cheats on you. YES ONLINE HEAVY FLIRTING IS CHEATING. It would upset anybody...
Are you sure this is what you want? Feeling like this? Like you have to ask permission to call him? If you are in a secure relationship...where he really appreciates you you wouldnt even have the need to call him often...
Is this really the kind of relationship you want?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): hunny this guy is treating you badly. Im very sorry to be blunt here but if he really honestly loved you, he wouldnt care how many times you called him! Threatin to dump somebody coz they call too much is petty and imature. Do u really want to be left begging this man to love you when this is how he behaves! And yes it is wrong to snoop but its also wrong for him to be chasing other girls. By the sounds of it he likes to think he has you wrapped around his little finger! Dont go running to him hunny. I think you probably deserve much better, and i hope that when you find the courage to kick his butt to the curb, that you find a nice honest and caring man. X. I wish you all the best. Poppy xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Why are you letting him treat you this way?
Don't you think you deserve something better with a guy that wants to spend time with you and not give you orders as to when you can call him? Who does he think he is?
This guy is bad news and you deserve better than this.
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A
female
reader, prettygirlsmakegraves +, writes (25 January 2011):
i think it's great that you care for him but everyone needs a little space and maybe calling him so much is not such a good idea. But you're saying that he had dumped you before and not only once but twice. and now he tells you not to call him so much. and he's flirting with other girls. i understand that you love him and don't want to leave him, but, at least from my point of view, he doesn't care about you as you care about him. maybe you should try to be alone for a while.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Is this seriously the kind of relationship you want to be in?
This a question we frequently see by 13-15 year olds, not of an adult relationship?
It doesn't even sound like he considers you as his girlfriend..Threatening to "dump" you if you call more than twice a day? What a child.
What I want to know is why on earth did you take him back after he left you? You caught him effectively cheating on you and you're scared that hes going to leave you?!
Get some self respect woman, stop pining after this immature man.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 January 2011):
All your chances? What chances?
This guy has already dumped you twice, and you've discovered that he's been heavily flirting. Are you not even a little bit suspicious that he's cheating and just using you. Because I am!
He doesn't seem interested in you at all. He just seems to threaten you all the time, or actually dump you.
Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like a a piece of meat by this guy?
Or, if you do feel that you are insecure, why are you not dealing with this? (though I don't think this is the case)
People will treat you like dirt if you think you're dirt. You don't seem to have any real care or respect for yourself at all. You just seem to be pandering to this man.
I think you need to stop worrying about him dumping you, and seriously address the situation. You're just being used at his convenience.
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