A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half and things are getting complicated. Throughout our relationship, we have always been jealous/insecure and it got worse and worse through time. We are exactly alike in that way. But a big issue keeps popping up. In the summer of 2009 this new girl got introduced to our group. She didn't cozy up to me much but my boyfriend told me she quickly starting texting him and chatting with him on facebook and that she always imed him. I told him I did not like him talking to her because she gave me a weird vibe. And he agreed to not talk to her. But one day he needed help and I was unreachable and he contacted her for help. I didn't like this because it was frustrating to see that out of all the people he could've chosen, he chose her to ask for help. After that he said he never talked to her, and yet she wrote on his wall and it seemed like they were chatting on aim. He always denied im-ing her first. So I took issues in my own hands and decided to contact her. She told me that they mutually im-ed each other first and that he im-ed her for the first time when they became friends on facebook (he told me she imed him first) She told me the first time they talked he opened up to her very quickly and said "It's so easy to talk to you..I can't even tell some of this stuff to my gf"... Later when me and him had problems, he would text her late at night to talk and tell her to come online and talk about us. I told him all this but he denied it all and said that girl was making stuff up. He promised me he would never talk to her. I didn't hear anything about them talking and I guess that girl stopped talking to him as well. He would try to avoid her in any conversation with me and would avoid even hanging out with our friends if she was there. He also told me he disliked her. So I thought they never talked. Few months passed by and a year later, I'm finding out now that he recently imed her a few weeks ago to talk to her. He also contacted her numerous times during this year to talk although she never contacted him first. But he never told me any of this and lied to me said they never talked whenever I would bring up this subject. He keeps denying everything. Am I overreacting? Should I be worried? Why is he being shady about talking to this girl and pretending to not like her but go behind my back and talking to her? Why is he lying to me?
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 ok aside from the whole jealously thing the minute a guy turns on a girl he talks to when he is in a relationship with sombody else IS A SIGN HE CHEATED ON YOU he might not have been constantly done it but there is a chance he did it once because there was no reason for him to stop talking to her because you asking him didnt seem to stop him . . avoiding her in public groups . . avoiding aquardness im telling you now he definatly cheated on you sorry bt iv experience with wit my friends etc x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 October 2010):
He's lying and going behind your back because you told him to give her up as a friend for no good reason. Neither had done anything wrong, yet you got a 'weird vibe' and said he had to give her up. You can't pick and choose his friends for him, especially based upon weird vibes. Worse still, because you insisted on no contact early when it meant nothing, now it might mean something because he has to do it all secretly. You'd have been better keeping her as a friend out in the open.
The problem is both you and your boyfriend have no trust, no real respect and no real understanding of each other at all. The relationship sticks together because he hides something, or you believe a bunch of lies. Where's the love here? Where's the trust? Where's the commitment.
This just seems to me like two people who have come together and have nothing between them.
If you are insecure, you need to deal with that. Because this is the result. Your boyfriend talks to someone, and now you're worried. Your best bet is to sit down and really think about whether you want to be with this guy. Because this just seems like it's going nowhere at all. But please don't pick and choose friends. Having a bad vibe is not a good enough reason to ask your boyfriend to get rid of a friend.
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