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Boyfriend is into the "it's not you, I just have no interest in sex right now" phase. How do I handle this?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, *ixieGwen writes:

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 months. Im 28, hes 34. When we met all was well and we were intimate but shortly after we met, he lost his full time job (he had 2 jobs a FT and PT)now he just has the pt which is barely anything, and his car died/ Since then he seems to be struggling on paying rent, constantly talks about it or seems super worried/bothered, was supposed to receive unemployment but theres some issue with it - its takin forever to show up, roommate problems etc. He treats me great, he likes cuddling, will kiss me when he wakes up or hold my hand and calls me pet names.. but isnt down for sex, i tried to give him a bj and he declined. He said "it's not you, i just have no interested in sex right now", he said he doesnt even masturbate anymore and says he thinks about all the things hes stressed out about right now and doesnt think bout sex. We had sex about 3 weeks ago for the first time and it was different for me, it was intense. Im not a spiritual person but he is..and i felt really loved and felt super special with him. He was very gentle and when we're intimate he mainly cares about my needs.I trust him and know its no one else and i know its not me, i just wish he would just be more intimate with me. We talked bout him not wanting sex and he understands how frustrating it must be for me now but that was it. its not like i can make him have sex with me. I told him i felt once we start to mess around he'll get in the mood..he didnt agree or disagree but the look on his face look like he agreed..like it was an unknown idea.He said he hadnt had a gf in a year and hadnt been intimate. ( to me, i thought that he would want to be more intimate because its been awhile) but theres too much stress.He also told me that it wont always be like this (the no sex thing) but he thinks hes depressed/stressed and didnt know when he'd feel better. how do i handle this? We get along great, he treats me great, its just the no intimacy that is bugging me.

View related questions: depressed, in the mood, roommate

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A female reader, PixieGwen United States +, writes (13 December 2011):

PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question

PixieGwen agony auntI know he's going through a tough time, im there for him and I'm trying not to think about sex but It's very hard.

Do you know if there's anything I can take or do to dull my sex drive?

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A male reader, landomando United States +, writes (13 December 2011):

Your relationship is just starting. He is having problems. I think Now is the time to support him through this hard time and not worry so much about the sex.

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