A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok , so yesterday my bf went through my history and found a porn site that I went on , he got so upset that hes making the biggest deal out of it . He says that it's a broken promise , because I promised I would never play with it again . Is that right for him to be super angry over it? Its driving me insane I don't know how to defend myself in this situation , especially with him saying it's another "broken promise".
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (23 November 2020):
 Have you visited sites like this before then?. Why does he feel the need to check your internet history?.
There seems to be a lack of trust here. So you visited a porn site, you was not caught arranging dates on a dating app.
How do you know he does not do the same?. and how would you feel if he was?. To know he was you would also have to check his history. So once we get to this stage checking up on each other I wonder if a relationship has a future beyond this point.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 November 2020):
 Why do you think that saying "I will never do that again" doesn't MEAN : "I will never do that again" FOR you? That you can say that but not HAVE to keep your promise?
I have always tried to not make promises, I am not 100% sure I can't keep. But not the kind where it is 100% up to me. Like, going to "whatever" website. There is either a I WILL keep that promise or I WILL NOT. If you make a promise, you KEEP it.
He is making a big deal out of this because your words means nothing. You will say whatever you think he wants to hear. You have no self control.
He is disappointed that you basically LIED when you made that "promise".
If you DIDN'T want to make a promise that you wouldn't DO that EVER again, then BE adult enough and honest enough to let him know that you CAN NOT or WILL not make that promise. Then HE can decide if it is a deal breaker or not.
Don't make a promise you either don't INTEND to keep or don't really think you can keep.
It's not hard to not go on porn sites, OP. And you know it. You just CHOSE to "promise" and then turn around and do whatever YOU wanted to do. It is dishonest.
And now we get to him.
Why is he on your Internet history? Why is he checking up on you? If he doesn't TRUST you, WHY is he with you?
What kind of relationship is this? Where HE checks up on you and you have to make promises you don't REALLY want to make?
It sounds unhealthy and not a good match.
If going on porn sites is no big deal FOR you, but a big deal FOR him - how well suited are you? Do you even share the same values and idea? Or can you even RESPECT each other's values? It doesn't SOUND like it.
Why does HE get to dictate what you can watch online?
Whether it is "right" for him to be mad or not, is irrelevant. You both FAILED to see the viewpoint of each other and RESPECT the viewpoint of each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2020): If you promised that then you should keep the promises. At this point all you can do is rebuild trust and let him express his hurt. It might seem petty to you but if its a big deal to him then it matters! As a female whos road a wave of different feelings about porn over the last ten years it isnt hard for me to understand if it bothers someone
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (22 November 2020):
 Why did you have to promise not to go on a porn site? And what was he doing checking your internet history? Did you agree to him doing that?
...............................
|
