A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man for a few months that I have found myself getting very attached to. He filed for divorce in June of 08', but the divorce has not been settled. We have had a great relationship, but he does get very moody at times and "goes into his cave" without warning. A few weeks ago I asked him if he was ready to be in a serious relationship despite going through the divorce. I was honest and said I was ready to date to look for my future partner and didn't want to get attached to someone that was not ready. He said he was ready and that I was not a rebound because he had dated 4 or 5 women before me.Anyway, on Monday he disappeared and started ignoring me. He was at the lawyers office and found out that he is going to have to pay a significant amount of money to his exwife and it made him furious. I told him I felt like he was being inconsiderate by ignoring me with no fair warning. His decision was that this divorce is causing him too much pain now that things have heated up and he couldnt be furious with one woman while pampering another...is how he put it. I said I thought he was making a mistake and I wanted to support him. He asked to be left alone and that if we were meant to be then wait until the storm passes and if we were meant to be God will make it clear.I feel duped and tricked since I was initially careful to get attached until he said it was safe. I am so sad and think that I may have pushed him away by saying he was being inconsiderate of me...but do you think I should be patient or just let it go? The break up was not clear...but he was clear that he wanted to be left alone now. How can someone be so warm and loving and then just run away?
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Hi hun,
" I am so sad and think that I may have pushed him away by saying he was being inconsiderate of me "
I hate it when I read things like that. Of course you should pull him up on his behaviour,it's outrageous!
What's the alternative? Take any old shit off him and smile while he does it so not to upset him?
Of course you did the right thing. Men going through this sort of thing can get completely self absorbed and behave very selfishly cos they are so angry and bitter.
Please get rid of him cos he's no good for your ego.
You should be with someone who's all about you.
He's all about him.
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