A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have just separated over the fact that I have to communicate with my baby's daddy. He feels that I am to only speak to him when it comes to the child face to face and not over the phone. I told him how this would be when my baby daddy was granted visitation. It has come to the point now that he thinks we are still fooling around behind his back. I am faithful and have always been but I gave up proving my love. What can I do to get him to see that I want our relationship to work? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 You can't make it work. I'm sorry. If he can't accept that you will have frequent contact with the father of your child then he's not ready to be in a relationship with a mother...
When my first husband and i separated, my kids were 3 and 5. In the beginning and for the years they were in school, we had contact via phone FREQUENTLY...sometimes several times a day.... if your partner can't accept that you are trying to raise this child together as co-parents, then he is not the man for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): How about tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't want you to talk to your ex at all, then he (your boyfriend) can be the go-between for all communications related to your child. I bet pretty soon he will get very annoyed at having to relay messages back and forth and keep track of all those details and will then actually tell you to go talk to your ex yourself and leave him out of it!another way is to communicate with your ex only via email where you cc your boyfriend on all emails.also ask why he thinks you're messing around with your ex. what triggers those fears? You need to establish some ground rules that you both agree on and stick to them. I mean, I get where a new partner can feel uneasy if the ex is still in the picture and you're on good terms. This is the case if you have kids together. You need to respect your new partner as well and part of that is by drawing up appropriate boundaries with your ex.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I don't see your relationship working out with your boyfriend.
When a woman has a child with a previous partner, that partner will be involved with that woman for at least the next 20 years. More so, when the child is young. The parents need to communicate closely to make sure their child does the best it can given the circumstances of the split.
Some men can handle this situation while others can't. I think it boils a lot down to trust. In a crux, your boyfriend doesn't trust you and potentially has retrospective jealousy. You really can't magically convince your boyfriend to trust you; it is either there or isn't.
The question I should ask, though, is, are you giving any false hints that you may want to reconcile with your ex. Perhaps you speak too kindly of him or he doesn't sense that it is completely over. There may be some non-verbal clues that he is reading that is making him nervous and fearful.
If your relationship is still new (less than 3 - 6 months) than his feeling are certainly understandable. If you've been together longer, than I would be willing to wager that his fears have been festering for a while and he won't be able to trust you, no matter what you say or do.
All I can suggest you do is reach out to him. Listen to his fears and tell him how you feel about him and how important he is in your life and your child's life. Make him feel like a priority and you might just win him back.
Eddie
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): You need to do what is in the best interest of your child. And if this guy can't understand that, I'd stay broken up.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "It has come to the point now that he thinks we are still fooling around behind his back. I am faithful and have always been but I gave up proving my love."No benefit to being faithful or proving your love to homHe is going to be suspicious and accusatory until doomsday or you dump him for good, whichever comes first."What can I do to get him to see that I want our relationship to work?"You can't "get him" to do anything he would not be otherwise inclined to do.He does not want your "relationship to work," he wants to control you.That boyfriend is attempting to impose limits on contact with your child's father and otherwise dictate how you parent your child suggests to me that your "relationship" was doomed from beginning. That he is so willing to accuse you of being unfaithful more often than not indicates he's the unfaithful one. Now that you are a mother and you are no longer together with your baby daddy/non-husband, then your kid comes before your love life. You should not be introducing unrealated adult males who are virtual strangers into your child's life. Put your romantic woes on indefinite hold by dumping loser boyfriend for good, and concentrate on putting your kid's interests first by encouraging baby daddy to be a continuous, active, involved presence in child's life even though you are no longer a couple, best for all concerned in long run. You do NOT need an idiot caveman boyfriend interfering in your child's upbringing. You've broken up with him, keep it that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Unfortunately, when someone is that unreasonably insecure and jealous, there isn't anything YOU can do - it's on him. He has to decide whether or not he wants to be with you bad enough to accept the fact that your child's father is going to be a part of your life, at least until the child is grown - Or he can go find a woman who doesn't have a baby's daddy to deal with.
The only thing you can do is decide whether or not you think he is worth the stress of his demands over how YOU communicate with YOUR child's father.
But these types of insecurities run deep, and even if you do manage to salve this one problem, he will find something else to be insecure over.
...............................
|
