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Best ways for getting over someone?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Best ways for getting over someone ?

Been speaking to a girl for quite a while but a relationship isn't feasible for us. We both get on great but the past few times I've asked to hang out she's blown me off and has always been busy, the last time we hung out and had sex was probably over a month ago now and it's getting to a point where it's beginning to annoy me a little bit where it's like she's trying to avoid me.

But whenever we speak it's like it could go on for days never run out of things to say or make each other laugh, but I ask if she's free and she's immediately working or already busy.

I think I need to put some space between us, I'm speaking to other people but they just can't hold my attention for long enough and just bore me. I'm just gonna try and phase out contact because I don't want her out of my life, we mean a lot to each other, or I thought we did, we've been speaking for over 2 years and we've tried not speaking before and it simply doesn't work.

What would you guys suggestions be ? Thanks in advance

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah I think you're spot on there to be honest. We've had a bit of a falling out today, so guess this is a good time to just leave it where it is.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 July 2016):

chigirl agony auntA relationship isn't feasible "right now" and then it lasts for a year and a half... Sounds like she is bullshitting you. Nearly two years is not "right now". If that's what she told you, then the translation is: I don't want to be in a relationship with you ever. Not "not right now".

You need to just remove yourself from her and stop talking to her as much. Of course its possible to NOT talk to her, you're not forced to talk to each other. You make a conscious choice not to do it. And then feelings will naturally fade. Also, spending more time with someone else will increase the chances you will have feelings for another person. Of course right now, no one else compares, because you are in love, but when the feelings fade, you will be able to appreciate others more.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It's not that chigirl, we've already spoke about that and a relationship isn't feasible right now . We pretty much said we were going to be fwb and then we're about 1.5 years down the line since that

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 July 2016):

chigirl agony auntHave you asked her if she wants to be your girlfriend? If you've hung out before and had sex and everything, yet you still only call her a FRIEND. Then maybe the reason she is saying to to hanging out with you is because she doesn't think you're interested in HER, but just in sex.

Ask her if she want to be your girlfriend. If she says no, THEN is the time to decrease contact and move on. But ask first.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah think you're right guys.

She came out of a bit of an abusive relationship therefore didn't want anything serious, I was open to the idea of it but I'm not desperate for a relationship.

Most people over the 2 years thought we were together, it's not always been like this, we did used to see each other without fail and not having to organise it, we just knew we would be meeting. It's only recently where it's come a bit like this. I agree that I think I value her more than she values me.

Without sounding like an ass, I'm not sure if it's the regular sex that we used to have that I'm missing or whether it's her. I have been speaking to others lately but not really pursuing them much, but I think I will do to take my attention elsewhere now.

Thank you for your views guys, it means a lot.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (29 July 2016):

Denizen agony auntI really feel this girl isn't in to you in the same way as you would like to be with her. You've had sex, you have known each other for two years, she isn't that keen on seeing you. Brother this doesn't sound like a match made in heaven.

So now you turn your energies into something - some pastime, pursuit or occupation. Plan a holiday. Take scuba lessons. Anything and everything that is filling you with valuable experiences. You will remember them in a few years time more than you will her.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (29 July 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSounds like you're her back-up guy, the person she turns to when she had no one else to go to or has nothing better to do. Would you rather be an option in someone's life and not the person they really want to be with? Of course not, and there's your answer.

Make a conscious decision to stay away. It looks like she has a lot going in her life while you're just banking on her. Change that and you'll see the difference. Go out, make new friends, do something you've always wanted to do, be open to dating others and don't compare the new girls to her. Seems like you've put this one on a pedestal and can't get enough of her when she does spare some time for you, but you have to stop doing that.

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