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Before we marry he wants me to sign a prenuptial contract, my heart says yes but my pride says no!

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2008) 11 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *mymarie writes:

Im in my early twenties, my partner is in his thirties. basically we are getting married next year but before we do he wants me to sign a pre nup, i am quite offended by this as now i believe he doesnt trust me. his not a millionaire but has his own house and a business.

my heart says i should sign as i love him and want to be with him but my pride says no i should not and that he would marry me if i signed or not. dont know what to do, please help, should i shut up and sign?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011):

Don't sign anything. Engagements have always been fraught with jitters and anxieties since time memorial. Entering marriage is serious business. However, nowadays, divorce lawyers have capitalized on the idea of Prenupts as an insurance device against divorce. It's big business. They don't work. Your only insurance will be time, hard work and commitment. A prenupt will only solidify your Divorce, NOT your marriage.

The truth is that people start fighting about their possessions because the commitment process is scary. People want guarantees and they think a prenupt will give them one. In fact, the people who have very little financially, stand to lose more than the rich. (If he has 100 million dollars and you have nothing, and divorce leaves him with 50 million, that might hurt, but he still has 50 million to live comfortably. But if all he has is limited and leaves you in poverty, doesn't sound like he cares enough to take that leap into marriage to pool your resources to build something together).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008):

You should ask yourself why you are offended. Are you offended because you think that his request of a pre-nup indicates that he may not trust you OR is it because while you are in the middle of planning your marriage you are also getting ready for your divorce???

You should feel comfortable enough to discuss it with him. Ask him why he wants it and how important it is to him. Tell him how you are feeling and she what he contributes back.

If his bottom line is that he wants a pre-nup before marriage then you have a decision to make. Either way, don't do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. Your opinions and feelings are just as valid as his in this matter.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008):

You don't live in the U.S.

If someone doesn't trust you enough to actually trust that you won't try and rob him blind if you break up... then the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

I would NEVER, EVER, consider siging or asking someone to sign a pre-nup.

Flynn 24

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A female reader, femalespicolli United States +, writes (12 September 2008):

femalespicolli agony auntI totally understand what you're saying. But love isn't about pride, and marriage is about compromise. SO, compromise. Give him the assurity that will make him happy, but make sure that what you need gets taken care of as well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

Dear Poster

A prenuptial agreement is very standard and normally accepted in South Africa, but I do suggest you read it very carefully and or even get a legal opinion on it before you sing it;

there are certain things you have to keep in mind when married with a prenuptial agreement;

such as:

keep receipts of what you have paid for and contributed towards payments of the house or car or furniture;

don't

fall in the "trap" of buying the groceries etc and then you have no proof of payment towards the assets.

It might sound crazy to go through all this now, as you are hoping to live happily ever after;

but

with the divorce rates as it is; no harm in protecting yourselves;

however

be aware of what you sign and as I said, do take care to have proof of yur contributions etc.

Get it over with and go and have a wonderful honeymoon!

Best wishes and lots of Smiles.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2008):

Sign it - but only after you make sure that YOUR interests are covered... He has to know that you have stuff you want to protect too.

Pre-nups are not that common in the UK, and personally I would be quite insulted. I am not sure what I would do to be honest.

As long as you make sure it's not all about HIS stuff, then perhaps you can make it fair in your mind.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, sappygirl United States +, writes (11 September 2008):

sappygirl agony auntI use to think like you.

But after going through a divorce, i now see that marraige has a lot more to do with partnership than love.

If you love him, then his money shouldn't matter to you.

He is being logical and protecting himself.

If I ever marry again, i will ask my partner to sign a prenup. As you get older, your thinking changes because you've been through so much.

This does not mean he doesn't love you. He does.

He is just being smart. Think about it, Paul McCartney was madly in love with Heather mills and didn't sign a prenup. Everyone was calling him stupid for not signing a prenup, and look what happenend. He didn't protect himself.

I'm not saying you are a golddigger. Of course not.

i'm just saying sometimes, you have to protect what is yours because there are no guarantees in life.

this has nothing to do with love. Two separate things.

But if i were you, i would get a lawyer to protect you. It is negotable so make sure you are protected and get what you deserve too. Don't just sign anything he hands you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

He is just making sure that he is covered in case anything does go sour. No one wants it to but more people than ever get divorced these days, he is only doing something that is logical. It doesn't mean he doesn't trust you, it means he is making sure that the stuff he has worked for his entire life isn't shattered if something does happen to go wrong and you end up splitting. I'm not saying it will, but it COULD happen and he is just protecting his investments. I assume you still get to live in his house and he spends the moeny he earns on you so what is the problem? He's just making sure his life's work isn't taken from him in a 'what if...' scenario.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

No don't, personally I wouldn't. Think of it this way, does he not trust you? does he think your just marrying him for his money? ask him this

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

Sign the pre-nuputial babes, he's insecure and he wants to keep himself safe.. Marry him and never mention it again, but be carefull with money, keep your job, work hard and try to get as rich as him. When you've been married for at least 30years, then you can turn arround and laugh in his face. Remember she who laughs last laughs longest. If you love him, marry him, and give him time to adjust and learn to share.. Just imagine your 30year wedding aniversary, he'll be begging and pleading for you to tear up the prenuptial agreement and forgive him for all his stupid insecurities.. Blessings

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2008):

hlskitten agony auntIf you want to marry him yes. If he bought the house, his deposit etc, and started up his business, its just sensible to sign a pre nup. Its not like he's being negative, no one is psychic, and i doubt many people get married thinking they will get divorced in the future!

C xxxx

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