A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man for more than seven years now. He hardly makes the effort to call or ask to see me and I'm always the one asking when I'm going to see him or asking him to SMS me or I end up always the first to call or SMS. When i ask him if we will Ever take the next step he says "maybe" and if I ask him if we can spend a day together he says "maybe" as well which is starting to annoy me.Does this mean he is not interested? Is this normal in relationships? Is he telling me he needs more space? Should I suspect he is seeing someone else? Please help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I have found always that a man who wants to commit to a woman does so within 2 years of meeting her and by 6 months they usually know they are going to commit.
After 7 years and the way he treats you it's time for you to end it... he's not going to commit or marry you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Wow, Im sorry, but thst is NOT a relationship. Are you monogomus? Because I think you are the ONLY one that thinks of this as a relatiionship. Sounds like he really doesnt care. If you are sexual with him, I would say its more like an fwb relationship. I would leave unless he does a 180 and actually starts putting EFFORT in and commits to, and respects you. Treat yourself better than him... he sounds like a player.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): If you want the next step & after seven years, he can't give you more, I'd end the relationship. I want someone who lets me know he's interested & makes plans & looks forward to seeing me. Don't settle for this.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "Does this mean he is not interested?"No, it means he does not care one bit about you as anything other than an easy lay."Is this normal in relationships?"No, if he truly cared about you he'd want to make a commitment to you. "Is he telling me he needs more space?"No, he's telling you he's stringing you along for casual sex strictly for his pleasure and strictly at his convenience with absolutely no obligition and absolutely no commitment whatsoever required on his part."Should I suspect he is seeing someone else?"Not necessarily, but very possible that he's banging other chicks on the side. He certainly has motive and opportunity. "Please help."You know where you stand. You can either continue to wait indefinitely for boyfriend to magically change into something other than the selfish, inconsiderate scumbag he is or you can accept the cold, harsh reality that you've wasted seven years on a dead-end relationship, cut your losses by dumping him now, and begin the process of grieving, healing and moving on. Sorry, but there's no way to sugarcoat it. He's using you, up to you to wise up and walk away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Ask him if he wishes to continue with this relationship, and if he says "Maybe", take that as a "No", with the lack of a back bone on his part to tell you. Then presume to make the decision for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (19 November 2012):
 No, it's not normal after 7 years to not have taken the next step, at least be living together or planning to. But it's like the early stages of dating still and he seems uninterested seeing as how you have to make all contact in order to do anything with him. This doesn't mean he is seeing someone else for certain, it just means he has very little interest in your relationship. You have tried to talk to him about it "will we ever take the next step?" but he brushes it off. Honestly if after 7 years this is all it is then it's likely all it ever will be, if he wanted a serious commitment he would've done so by now. Take a break from the relationship, give it a few months each on your own with no contact and see if that's enough to spark something in him. Tell him you want something more serious than this and you need a break. If he doesn't come back to you then there's your answer, and you will have started to move on in this process. You need to stop making all the effort in this and force him to, if he doesn't want to lose you then he will.
...............................
|
