A
female
age
36-40,
*race84
writes:I started a part time course to work in education in September 2019. There is a man on the course and I thought he seemed nice but assumed he was married and left it. It has only been has time has gone on he has paid me more attention and I have caught him look at me a lot and single me out in groups chats. We have started to chat a lot more in person about the course and I can feel there is an attraction from him too. I found out he signed up to a dating site over Christmas and some meetup groups so this confirmed he was single and wanting to meet someone. Today he told me he is considering leaving the course and not to tell anyone. I was shocked but said that we are 2/3 of the way through and his hard work would be of waste. As nice as he is that comment put me off that he would give up and not commit to finishing the course. Is he the kind of man to just quit when the going gets tough. I know he is very busy as he works 2 jobs and has hobbies. He either listened to me or spoke about it to the tutor earlier as later as I heard him tell someone he needs to buy the book to help him with the course. It sounds selfish but I hope he doesn't leave as I want him to know of my interest. He has been telling the tutor over time he doesn’t have time and I’m sitting there thinking how will you have time for a relationship?! Should I see what happens or move on? I don’t want men with chaotic lives.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 February 2020):
 I think that is probably a wise decision, OP
The man is in his 40's, working two jobs to stay afloat and his favorite subject is himself...
I think you can find someone who is a better fit, don't you?
A
female
reader, Grace84 +, writes (10 February 2020):
Grace84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have decided to move on. The thing he asked for my help and I helped him with some coursework which he did not even say thank you for my help. Today I saw him and noticed he talks about himself a lot and I don’t know if he does this due to nerves or is self centred but I get the feeling it is the latter if he is in his 40s. I want to be with someone who values me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2020): Probably just had some time to kill. Who knows?
You had a chance to ask if he was he asking you out, but you didn't???
You got a call from him, but you're asking us if he interested?
The only one who can answer your question is he himself!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 February 2020):
Is he interested? Hard to say, really.
BUT if he is curious about what you are doing over the weekend, he is at least interested in you as a person or to have someone to talk to. Whether he is interested in dating you... is a whole other thing.
If this is new behavior from him... why not just go with the flow? See what kind of person he is away from the course? Maybe find out why he works two jobs etc...
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A
female
reader, Grace84 +, writes (8 February 2020):
Grace84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince I posted on here 2 days ago he messaged me out of the blue a few times and he asked what i was doing over the weekend? Is he interested if he asked this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2020): If he has to waste his money by bailing on the course 2/3 of the way, that seems impractical. Why did he take on the course, if he has so many hobbies and two jobs in the first-place? He doesn't seem very good at planning and decision-making. Is the course free? You didn't mention so.
I don't think he has time for a relationship, if he can't finish the course. He also had the given opportunity to ask you out; if he was remotely interested. He never seized on it; so one can only presume he doesn't have time, or he's not interested.
A few casual-chats and random stares hardly amounts to showing any kind of romantic-interest in my book. He's on a dating app already; so you'll be wondering if he's distracted by it, or if you're competing with the hits he's getting on his profile.
I believe there are certain telltale signs that a person might be too busy; or if their life is in flux. I don't think it's being too picky or overthinking to judge by what you actually see; and adding-up the tidbits of info that comes your way about his habits and lifestyle. There is wisdom in being observant and cautious. Just don't be too cautious.
Now let me be frank. Two jobs indicates to me there is an extra expense to cover; or he has child-support to pay. He might also have debt. If he's in your age-group, a single-male in his late 30's or early 40's should have some measure of financial-stability. At least, a full-time job that earns him an adequate living. If he needs to supplement his income, even with a full-time job; he has little time for anything else. Thus, he's dropping the course.
Otherwise, how can he afford to throw-away money, if he did in-fact have to pay for the course?
If he happens to finally ask you out, don't expect to see him much. Also keep in-mind he just subscribed to online dating service. He may be making room in his time-schedule for that. It would be impractical to just close his account on the dating app shortly thereafter. It would be somewhat unsettling; wondering if he's still checking-out profiles, while you're out on a date.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2020):
I think being cautious is smart.
If someone works 2 jobs, has hobbies and taking a course to also work in educations, he seems to have a full plate. Yes he might be on dating sites, THAT doesn't mean he actually has TIME for a relationship.
He might also be working 2 jobs and strapped for cash because he HAS an ex-wife and kids that he PAYS a lot towards. Which means.. if he can't afford books... can he take you out for dinner? (not saying that HE always has to pay but it would also limit the things you two can DO together.)
I don't think he is considering quitting because he is giving up, maybe because he isn't sure any more that he WANTS to do the job he could have gotten with it. Maybe he doesn't want to waste his time on a course he isn't going to use?
Doesn't mean you can't go out for coffee after class, and get a a little sense him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (5 February 2020):
 Are you just being super-cautious before deciding whether a relationship with this man would be a good idea, or are you trying to talk yourself out of going there? If your gut instinct is telling you this is not a good idea, then you should listen to it.
Do you have other things on your "deal-breaker" list? I ask because you sound to have very specific requirements of a future partner (e.g. nobody who gives up easily, nobody who has a chaotic lifestyle). Nothing wrong with knowing what you want (and DON'T want), which is probably based on previous experience, but it might be a good idea to be sure people actually possess the qualities you don't want in a future partner before writing them off instead of assuming they do based on isolated comments and incidents.
This guy is obviously looking for some sort of a relationship if he is on dating sites so HE obviously thinks he has time for one (although his version of a relationship may not be the same as yours). You will never know if you don't try. What are you waiting for if you are interested? Suggest going out for a drink after your course and see how things go. He must surely already know you are interested from your conversations.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 February 2020):
 Does a man who works two jobs and has hobbies REALLY sound like a man who quits when the going gets tough … I don't think so. If he has been telling the tutor he doesn't have time then perhaps he is reconsidering his options, its possible he has done some research and the prospects of a job after the course are not bright.
If there is a book he needs to buy I'm surprised he started the course without it, maybe he is strapped for cash. Hobbies are usually not cheap.
I'm sure it would be difficult for any person who is working two jobs, studying and keeping up with hobbies to fit in a relationship, but if the other person is worth it and shares many of the same interests there is no reason to think it wouldn't work.
Not knowing him I would say he is either super organised and / or efficient with time management, or the complete opposite.
If you are interested in a possible relationship now is the time to see if you might be compatible, invite him for coffee after the class.
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