A
female
age
41-50,
*eonysheart
writes:I have a question. I have been with my boyfriend for 2years now. It has been the best two years of my life. When we found eachother he had a huge alcohol problem. I asked him to get help. He had been a alcoholic for about 30 years and had never tried to quit before. It is acceptable in his family. However I didnt want that around my children. He has been going to AA for about a year now and has conceling twice a week. Hes been sober going on a year now. I am so proud and thankfull for all he has done and is doing. Well lately the idea of marriage has been comeing up alot in my head. Ive been thinking about this for several months now. I finally mustard up the courage to ask him where he sees us in the future. He said he sees us together for the rest of our lives. I felt great about his awnser but yet a little down as I was hopeing he would say married and together forever. We have been liveing together for the last 8 months. This morning the future came up again in our conveesation and I explained to him I have been thinking about marriage and I really want that in the future. He was quiet for awhile than responded with I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. He told me he has never been so happy. However AA is a selfish program and right now he is working on himself. I dont know how to feel about that awnser. I have to respect it. I love him more than I ever thought possible. I know it wasnt an outright No.But than again it wasnt a Yes either. So I guess my question is how much time do I give him before I say we have to make a decision on the rest of our lives?.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 I get your drift but for me the AA thing would come first because without that, he may revert back. A year isn't long and although marriage is real important to you, it might be added pressure that will set him back.
He loves you, you live together and he is quitting drinking...you really thinking of quitting just because you dont have a ring??
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 This situation is different from men who are commitment phobes. He seriously wants you to be happy. He has to finish his AA program before making a long term decision because he wants to be emotionally strong for you so that when tough times come in he wants to be certain that he won't replase into alcoholism again. I think you want to be certain about this to before wanting to marry him. How much time you give him, that depends on the progress he is making. Being a 30 year alcoholic turning into no alcohol at all is a big change. He might have quit but he might still have lingering health problems. You are definitely the right woman for him but he doesn't feel that he is good enough for you yet, and doesn't know when he will be. You give up when you feel that he can never be truly healthy, or does not reassure you that one day he does want to marry.
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