A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee (we're getting married next spring), and I have been dating almost 3 years now. My problem is, she insists on keeping in touch with an ex-boyfriend that she dated for about 4 years. I believe that people (even married ones) can have friends of the opposite sex, but there must be boundaries, and the spouse or in our case, the fiancee, must approve of the friendship. She dated this guy for a long time, was very intimate with him, and I am very uncomfortable with her talking and texting him. They've even met for lunch a few times while I was at work. I've told her that I totally do not approve, and it's destroying our relationship, and she tells me I'm overreacting and to just calm down and deal with it. I'm not going to marry her if she keeps talking and meeting this ex. I'm not concerned that she will leave me, but I don't feel that I should have to deal with all the 'jealous' feelings I get whenever she talks to him. This isn't fair to me. What do I do? Should I ditch her since I'm thinking she doesn't really care for me, or she wouldn't be doing this to me, or do we have a drag down knock out fight and see what happens?I get physically ill everytime I know that she talked to him, or saw him for an 'innocent' lunch. She was with him for years, and was very intimate and involved with him, and I'm thinking that if she's over him and loves me and wants to marry me, then she shouldn't ever have contact with him again. Am I wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Seriously, your fiancee is messed up. It's bad enough that she talks to him, but goes out with him too when you're at work??!!? Wtf? If she goes to see him, YOU should be going with her - she should ask you to come out of courtesy for your feelings. I mean, if she just HAS to see him, you should be able to come along too.
She's your woman. She obviously does not respect you & this is no good if you're planning on marrying her.
Her response to your worries are a bad sign. For example, if my bf were to tell me the same thing, I would immediately erase my ex's number & break off any contact with him. I would do this simply out of love and respect for my bf. Her ex should NOT matter to her. You are top priority.
If I were you, I would reconsider following through with marrying her.
I'm sorry, but any gf/finacee/ or what have you who thinks otherwise is probably not being faithful.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 October 2008):
I think by telling her who she can and can't see, you are stepping over the line.
However, I think she should take your feelings into account a bit more too.
Have you sat down and told her that it makes you ill to know she's talked to him and how much it upsets you in a calm tone... or have you just said "You have to stop seeing him, I think he's a knob, I don't like it, BAH!" in an accusing way?
At the end of the day, she is with you, she is marrying you! She left him and chose not to be with him.
Why don't you go along and spend some time with him as well. You'll probably see that they act completely differently to the way you imagine and that he is not a threat to you at all. Then you might feel better.
If you bad mouth him to her then she will defend him. If you say you'll accept their friendship but you want to come along to some of their meetings too to get to know him more then she will probably be open. You have to be willing to compromise before she will.
Good Luck!! xx
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