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Are they too close?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 September 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 September 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend has a brother (14) and he is totally obsessed with her. He lives in a group home as her parents are alcoholics/drug addicts but she sees him every weekend. He acts really weird around her, he follows anything she says slavishly and he seems to want her advice/opinion on everything, he seems almost mesmerized and compelled to do anything she says. Also it was his birthday 2 weeks ago and all he wanted to do was go to the cinema/park/meal with her. He didn't want any of his school friends or anybody else. Today when they were watching tv he was curling up to her and this just seems really weird.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

Honey its not weird at all. He probably sees a mother figure in her...something that he's been deprived of. she is the closest that he feels to home. Can you imagine how bad it must be for him?? He's just a kid, and probably a very sensitive one...and whatever's happened at their place must have disturbed him a lot. Its very difficult growing up with alcoholic and drug addict parents. My friends father is a raging alcoholic, and Iv seen how disturbed she gets. Imagine if both parents are this way!! Its an unimaginable nightmare.

The reason he loves his sister so much, is because thats all the family he has left. She's probably the one who means everything to him. I know curling up to her and stuff sounds a bit weird, but cut him a little slack. The kid as been through a lot which you probably cant relate to.

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A female reader, sarahrose20 Canada +, writes (5 September 2010):

considering that thir parents are achoholics it makes perfect sence shes his mother the one who always loved him n gave him everything he needed n now is the timme he really needs her my bro n are have actually been accused of being insest cuz of the same type of thing except with us it was physical abuse after our mom passed away when i was 14 i went to live with my dad n him n i used to sneak into his room at night like we did when we were kids until my dad forced me to stop even the he had 4 beds in his room cuz we were living in a cabin at the time try to give them their space he really needs her right now like i needed my brother

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (5 September 2010):

mizz.butterflies agony auntuhhhhhh. before u accuse her brother,make sure u have a laid back convo with her. try to figure out how their relaitonship is,without seeming too curious.just talk about someone else's siblings or wait till he calls her and then go from there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

He is only 14 and seems to have been through a lot. His parents are not there for him and have never given him proper and stable love and affection, so it seems only natural that he is seeking it from his sister. He only gets to see her weekends and he probably misses her a lot. I can't imagine that a group home is particularly nice (it doesn't compare to a nice, loving family home). Besides a lot of younger siblings are in awe of their older siblings - its like the natural order of life. If he'd grown up in a regular home with the support of a family who cares for him then maybe he and her would fight like cats and dogs because there is more stability in the relationships between all the family members - but this is not the case. I think you should cut him some slack; I know that if I was in his shoes I would be wanting to feel close wto my older brother/sister and make all the time I had with them count.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

Maybe hes just looking for love. You said that hes in a group home because his parents are alcolics/drugatics, he probably feels alone and his sister is the only real person he can trust and confide in. Im sure hes sad about his parents and he just wants someone to talk to.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

Did it ever occur to you that she is the only family he has left? My god, the boy is 14 years old without anyone to take care of him. Poor thing. His only comfort in this world is his relationship with his sister. There is nothing wrong with looking up to her or wanting to always be around her. She is his FAMILY. Have some sympathy for a little boy in need of comfort and security. You should be happy that they have a good relationship given their tough family situation and living circumstances. Sounds to me like you are a little jealous maybe? That he needs and is getting her attention a little more than you?

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