A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 and I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. I am not that sexually experienced, im still a virgin but i've done foreplay. Yesterday, i allowed him to try and finger me for the first time, but it didnt work. He could only fit 3/4 of his finger in there, it was really painful. He was very gentle and slow but it just hurt. He told me that even he was shocked because two of his ex girlfriends were virgins as well and it wasn't that difficult when he did stuff with them and he did say i'm extremely tight. Now i know most people will say to use tampons to try and open it up a little or get the feel of it or whatever, but personally i dont feel comfortable wearing them so im not going to.Im just wondering what i can do? We tried more than once and it just wasn't happening, i wasnt even tense, i was more than relaxed and i was completely in the mood but it was just so painful when it stretched and the deeper his finger in the more it hurt and there was just an uncomfortable feeling about it during and after I just didnt like it so I had to stop.What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emily Ophelia  +, writes (6 March 2012):
I hope I can be of help here... I kinda had the same problem- I hate tampons and when I had sex the first time it hurt like hell (despite being relaxed and in the mood)... I haven't tried tampons since but I hope using them might now less uncomfortable. So I guess you're just rather tight, which is nothing unnatural, and sex might hurt at first. But it'll get better eventually ;) So if I were you I wouldn't worry about it, just wait and see what happens :)
Good luck =)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): Sorry to read of your problem young lady, and it's nothing to laugh at. since you were so relaxed and ready, and he was so gentle, you should have succeeded in getting the finger in fully and painlessly.
Question: Can you get your own finger in successfully?
If not, you really should see a doctor. There may be nothing really wrong, but you should be sure.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Ok, I'm going to answer this from a Nurse's perspective.
Your hymen is still intact, and it's going to continue to be painful as long as it's still intact. There are unusual circumstances, but for the most part, your hymen will not open from fingering alone. That is most likely the reason why tampons are uncomfortable to you.
I'm upset that your boyfriend had to compare your body to his 2 other virgin girlfriends. He should know that every girl's body is different. In your case, a hymen is simply a membrane surrounding the labia, and you might have a thicker hymen than others. It's completely natural. You do not have to seek medical advice for it.
A hymen will open/tear from penetration, it usually occurs the first time you have sex. It can be painful when that happens.
I am in no way shape or form suggesting you have sex. I would rather you wait to be with someone you love, and with someone who loves you back, and with someone you feel ready with.
What I am suggesting to you is that deep fingering and using tampons will continue to be painful and uncomfortable. Your boyfriend needs to respect that. There are other ways to work around it. He doesn't need to focus stimulating you in the vaginal canal region, or if he does, he can only use half his finger perhaps. But he can focus on the clitoris area.
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