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Are his feelings when he's drunk his true feelings for me???

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Question - (6 December 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2010)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ok so i dont know if this guy likes me or not. We are really close friends and when he is drunk he seriously tries it on with me... every time but sober he doesnt act the same way. he bearly talks to me sometimes. The only time we properly chat is on msn or through texting. I've began to like him... but i dont know if his drunken feelings are his true feelings?

i just dont want to get my hopes up on him, does he like me or not?

View related questions: drunk, msn, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

I kind of have the same problem (except I think iv probably known my guy (for arguments sake) longer. (I went to high school with him and i'm 22 now..) I'll fill you in on the gaps.. we have been friends since school, when we met he was infatuated quite literally with another of my friends..we began to talk and i became his agony aunt of sorts and he slowly got over the other girl (though i'v no doubt she hurt him) As our friendship developed i began to have the hughest crush on him (i'd seen his angry, sad, distraught, cheerfull ect and knew him perhaps better than anyone,as he began to get over this girl he seemed to flip hot and cold with me, min he would want to talk all the time the next not, ..eventually i challenged myself to forget about him in any other way than friends..I headed into a 2 year relationship (it ended disasteraously-he was abusive, I lost all my confidence, and during was forbidden from speaking to any of my friends. it took me a lot longer than it should to realise i was with a monster, but all has righted itself now (i promise this is relevant to the story lol)Anyhow to cut a long story short ..(i'm still friends with all of my friends including this guy..perhaps more so now than ever. we speak at least once a week but im still at uni and he works ft so time is pretty limited..Iv never been out with this guy on my own, always within our friends group (theres 15 of us, still close from school)but just lately, when we have been out and we've both been tipsy he's made every effort to talk to me,compliment me flirt,dance,protect me from my x, buy me drinks..held my hand ect,(i also told him i'd been on a few dates, and without even asking about how they'd gone he simply said they wernt good enough for me, and that (jokingly he'd have to kill them (he's not a psyco i was a joke lol) yet the following morn ..not so much as one text, and no mention of how things were the nights before.for me its always been more than a friends thing, and I'm beginning to think he sees me in a different way?? theory is whatever answer you give to my scenario..its probably the same to yours :)

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (6 December 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntAlcohol lowers inhibitions, and messes with your judgement, so he may be 'trying it on' because he's lost his self-control. It may be that he likes you and only works up enough nerve to do anything about it when he's drunk.

Either way, you wouldn't be dating a continually drunk man (I hope!), so he needs to demonstrate he's interested in you when he's sober.

I probably would push him away when he gets sloppy drunk (ugh) and tell him that I'll see him when he's sober. You could try saying to him when he is sober that you've noticed he's 'trying it on' with you and you wonder if it's the drink or him doing it? I don't think you have anything to lose with that question.

If he says it's the drink, you could say, 'pity, it would have been nice if you did like me enough to date me, but no worries, we can be friends. I don't start dating guys when they are drunk, though. Sorry.' Then wait and see what happens.

Watch him with the alcohol though; I know from bitter experience that it can ruin lives. There's partying to enjoy one's self, and there's drinking to numb one's self. Tricky thing to determine.

My guess is that he's not really interested, if he barely talks to you when he's sober, and only does the least amount of work--texting--to stay in touch with you. It would have been a better sign to see him chasing you a bit more when he's sober. Try being unavailable, don't text him back right away, or if you do, text back, "can't talk now, I'm on a date" to let him know you are being pursued by other guys. Play hard to get. If he doesn't make any moves, then he's not interested.

Keep your dignity! You deserve to be wooed, so stick to your resolve not to get with him when he's drunk.

Good luck.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (6 December 2009):

Drunken feelings are more to do with lust than love. I would suggest talking to him face to face when he's sober about how he feels. He might like you a lot, or he might be trying to have sex with you and nothing else. You really need to talk to him when he's sober.

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