A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a conundrum so to speak. I'm a male virgin who has never kissed a girl nor have I been on a date. I'm not very attractive as women have told me in the past that I'm not. I believe them as well as I'm not handsome. I'm a huge nerd as well, I have movie posters all over my wall, I play video games and read comic books, I collect movies and related film memorabilia. I feel women would find this very childish and probably lame though it's the things I enjoy. I would love to meet someone to have a relationship with. However I keep doing research and I find that a lot of women say they don't find male virgins attractive. They consider them to be not very manly and it's a turn off. They want someone with experience. I DON'T want to pay for sex but I don't have many other options. Since a relationship probably won't happen for me I do want to know what it feels like for a woman to be close to you, to touch her, to feel her body next to yours, to kiss her. Yet paying for it will make me feel worse than I do now.Does anybody know what I can do? I don't want to die without a single romantic experience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Aww, you sound so cute!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): I think you need to lose your virginity somehow. Step one. You will need to do this to gain some confidence in yourself. Without it you will carry this burden with you and let it weight you down and tear you down. You need confidence. So do whatever you have to do. Pay someone. And ask that person for pointers. Let her teach you. And then use those skills on a real life person when you come across someone you do like. Do no be afraid to be sociable with women and chat and be friendly. A lot of relationships blossom out of friendship and especially once a woman gets to know YOU as a person and she sees you beyond your looks. Losing your virginity is a big thing. For you, it serves a purpose. Holding onto it longer and longer will only weigh you down more and further erode your self esteem. And don't ever believe others. Self confidence comes from within and it should not ever depend on others or what is going on outside you. Focus on all your good qualities. We all have them. Build on those. And love yourself. You are worthy! Keep telling yourself positive things. Can I also suggest you join a gym or social clubs to help boost your confidence in social situations? That helps a lot. How about some dance groups or dance classes? I can tell you that dance makes you feel invincible, like you can do no wrong and boosts your confidence sky high. It's all about the moves. Not your looks. And many women are in classes. Think about all the possibilities. Even having a chance to partner up with a woman will do wonders for your confidence. And you will have fun!Good luck! And stay positive about yourself. Do something nice for yourself everyday. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (23 March 2015):
HiI think the main thing you'll have to work on is improving your perception of yourself because you're so sure that you're an unattractive nerd and that's sapping your confidence.And it'll be your lack of confidence that stops you not your virginity.As the other posters have said, it doesn't make a person any more or less attractive if they are/aren't a virgin.That's because no-one walks around with their "virgin status" tattooed on their forehead.Of course, the "Hi, I'm Dave and I'm a virgin" approach is off-putting because it reeks of desperation (and lack of confidence)You don't need to discuss your virginity with someone until you reach that stage of a relationship where you've kissed and cuddled lots of times and you're progressing to the stage where you both want to take all your clothes off.And if you get to that stage with a girl.... she really won't care if you're a virgin or not.Have girls really told you that you're unattractive? Or is that just what you THINK they mean. Comments such as "You're not my type" or "I don't see you that way" do not mean "You are unattractive". But some people who ALREADY perceive themselves as unatractive may interpret them that way.And don't model your entire perception of yourself on what some rude girls have said in the past. It's just their opinion. I think a guy who collects movies and movie memorabilia sounds quite cool - but that's MY opinion (I have a real soft-spot for "geeks")Try some therapy if this is a long term problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Well, you've got to crawl before you walk. You are probably looking for women who aren't into nerds. You are looking for types with looks and interests that aren't attracted to your type.
Like so many guys who are nerds and virgins (but not millionaires or billionaires); they are so very isolated, and spend much of their time indulging in their favorite activities. Many I know, are highly intelligent; but don't carry-on conversation well with people who don't have common interests. They aren't always socially awkward, you just feel comfortable in environments that host more people like you. Then you chatter away like chatterboxes.
You need to find yourself a nerdy girl. Her looks may be average to plain; but you'll feel comfortable. She may not be a beauty-queen to satisfy your fantasies; but you'll be on a level playing-field when it comes to outer-appearance.
She should like gaming, and shouldn't cringe when you tell her about yourself. If women are telling you you're unattractive; it's because you're chasing conceited witches, who feel their looks deserve hunky types that look good on Facebook and Instagram. You're being unrealistic in your search.
You've got to clumsily step outside your comfort-zone; and be stylish about how you dress. Get an updated haircut and glasses, if you wear them. Drop a few pounds if you're over-weight. Healthiness adds vigor and self-confidence.
Yes, it is a superficial world. You don't plan to marry every woman you meet. If you live like a child, you won't fit into an adult world; so you have to broaden your interests outside comic books and games. I will not suggest getting rid of your posters and the things you like; because that expresses who you are at the core. The outside is what you upgrade; and you should introduce yourself with honesty and pride. Don't wear a tee-shirt that informs the world you're a virgin. Don't breakout in a sweat, and blurt it out the minute a female talks to you.
I guarantee you, if you put down your games and comic books for a spell; and get out and socialize with other adults, the practice will improve your self-confidence. Your looks can be enhanced with the right barber, and wearing age-appropriate stylish clothing. Feeling you look good lifts your self-esteem, and boosts confidence. Go shopping with the sharpest guy you know. If you see a pic of a actor that has similar features, cut out their picture and take it to your barber. Play on your best features. If you look like the elephant-man, give-up.
Let the girls reject you, flirt anyway. Move-on when they coil, show their claws, or hiss. If you get a smile, stick around. Some will appreciate you for your confidence, natural charm, and sweetness. If you're not the cocky type of nerd.
Someone will find you adorable in your own awkward way, but you have to look like an adult, even if your lifestyle says otherwise. Virgins on a mission to lose their virginity come-off just as that. Desperate and pathetic. Just be nice to women, and move-on when they get snippy. Someone will appreciate your charms. A few failures are no indication that every attempt will fail. Be as determined to reach a higher level of proficiency and expertise at socializing with women, as you commit to getting better at your gaming.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2015):
 HOW can any woman learn that you are still virgin UNLESS you tell them??????
Aside from that.... keep repeating in your (own) head: "There's somebody "out there" for EVERYBODY... so, if I am patient, I will find my true love."
Then, STOP LOOKING (for her)!!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, mfj78 +, writes (23 March 2015):
You need to stop focusing on your virgin status and stop wearing it like a placard around your neck!Whether or not you are physically attractive is largely irrelevant. It s as much about personality and how you come across as your physical appearance. Lots of unattractive men have no problems finding lovers because they have confidence and the personality traits women are interested in.Why would women tell you that you are not attractive? Did you ask them? If so you need to stop asking women if they think your attractive as that will make you come across as needy and insecure. The bottom line my friend is that women are less concerned about a male virgin than they are about a male virgin who acts like a charity case ;-) Saying that you will never find a GF is, to be fair, a little childish. You are still very young at 22-25 and im sure with a few changes you can find someone lovely to share you life and your body with. Lots of men loose their virginity long after you OP. Paying for sex is asking for trouble (risks, lack of intimacy on an emotional level, etc) If you want to get a girlfriend and have a healthy sex life I do feel you need to outgrow your nerdy lifestyle. Sorry but its not one that women will find mature or attractive. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, and if you enjoy it that's fair enough, but if you want women to take you seriously you need to broaden your horizons. Also such activities are keeping you away from the opposite sex and stopping you finding adult confidence and a wider social circle. Mark
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