A
female
age
41-50,
*ackadocous
writes:I have 2 beautifully little daughters, one is 5 and the other is 2. The 2 year old's father (27) is a long story but to make it short... We lived together in the apartment upstairs from my mom, my younger (aged 16) cousin lived there too. That means they were around each other all day. One day they would be friendly and the next day they would be fussing but I just figured that was because she was very moody. Come to find out they had been having sex. Now she is about to turn 18 and I broke up with him around the same time our daughter was born but I'm just finding this info out. Do I let her know I know? Do I smack the taste out her mouth? She and I don't reside in the same house anymore either. I'm really not worried about him because he has not even attempted to see his child since September 2007. He is already going to get what's coming to him but my cousin still keeps my kids every weekend because she and my mom miss them. I just don't know if I can hold it in.....??????
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 February 2008):
 Violence isn't the answer. All you're doing then is allowing their actions to affect yours.
I think it's a good idea to let her know that you know. That way she knows she's busted, all thought she wasn't caught right then it still came out. might prompt her in making better decisions in the future.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 I agree that beating the girl wouldn't help anything. However, I do think you should tell your cousin and your mother that you know they were sleeping together. I don't think she didn't know this was backstabbing. And, judging from your post, it doesn't seem like she was abused.
Also, I need to tell you that not all men are like this. I would be quick to agree, however, that this particular man is something. Of all the people involved, he is the one most guilty. You say he's not in touch. Well, if he ever does, tell him you know what he did. And, again, beating him would solve nothing.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi,
first off, revenge is only sweet for a very short period, it solves little in the long term.
Your cousin was only 16 when she was seduced by your ex partner, so be a little understanding that at that age girls are very impressionable and she was easily taken in by the older man. I'm not saying you should just forget it, but for the sake of your children they have probably developed a bond with this girl and you will only harm them if you make a big fuss out of it.
I'm sure he jilted her as well and she had nobody she could talk to , so if its any consolation to you I'm sure she has suffered enough as it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): I can understand that you feel angry about this, but isn't it just water under the bridge now?
You obviously broke up with your man for a different reason. If you have found some more out about him , doesn't that just confirm what a bad decision you made in hooking up with him in the first place. And it helps you justify the break up with him as well.
About your cousin, she is just a kid. I can understand that you are taking it personally but you shouldn't. She wasn't trying to hurt you. He probably hit on her, she was probably flattered. Simple as that. You're taking it as if it was against you. She was stupid - yes. Weren't you at that age??? ?? ?
You can "smack the taste......" as you call it. But why???? What do you gain if you do?
Does it change anything? Seems like you lose a baby sitter.
Will you feel any better about it? If you do - it won't be for long. And you are only going to let her see that you are hurt. Then what? Does she laugh? Is she sad? Does she feel sorry? If she does feel sorry = how does that matter to you.
The point I'm trying to make is - you take to next stage - but then what? You're then looking for another stage to take it to.
It's up to you. Just trying to show you a different side of things. Thats all. Hope things get better for you in 2008.
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Does your mum know what she did? Your mum should take your side over hers. If I was you I wouldn't allow her to look after the kids, I mean if your so angry at her why are allowing her near your children? That's a perfect way of revenge if she likes your children. Get your mum on your side, this cousin isn't to be trusted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): You know to inform your cousin and mother you know, what happened. (Don't hit her it's not the solution) Explain your feelings, this sucks that you slept with him and you should have known better. I will try to forget about it for the sake of my kids. (Say this if it's true) If you could you may need to take a break from cousin watching the kids and try other alternatives. Her credibility is ruined and I'm sure she's good with the goods but this is still a fatal flaw.
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