A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright... so this week I started my new job and I was just trying to get used to everyone and get to know the employees since I am the new supervisor. This one employee passed me a note that said "dinner?" while I was sitting at my desk and it really put me off since I found out he was married. Later on I was in the break room and he was in there as well where he began saying... Hey I really hope i didn't weird you out by that note.... I just think you're interesting person and my wife travels a lot so i've been bored. I really feel on my guard... and later on he got my number from the employee database and started texting me and asking if i wanted to get dinner with him. My question is.... is this an innocent request or is there something else going on in this guy's mind? This happened only on my second day...
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (9 October 2011):
 DON'T DO IT.
I can't stress this enough.
Especially since you are female, I will tell you something that you probably already knew but need to hear in this instance: in cases involving workplace affairs, nine times out of ten the woman gets steamrolled. This is regardless of whether the woman involved is a supervisor or not; I have seen this happen both ways.
I work in employment law and believe me when I tell you that women are held to a higher standard at work. Sad but true.
DO NOT go out to dinner with this man; what the other "agony aunts" have told you is quite wise. This man is trying to get a leg up on you -- literally and figuratively -- and you don't want to help him do this. Document all interactions with him if he continues to be weird with boundaries, and be ready to talk to HR if necessary.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Dinner, and he will own you, lock, stock, and barrel.
You are a supervisor. Yeah, you are being manipulated and he wants to control you, sure he may have sex with you, but if you say anything, or don't do what he wants, you will get fired.
Here is a scenario...
Dinner, meet him at some place private, he rapes you. You get appropriately pissed about being raped, file charges, police and all that, and guess what...you get fired.
Why, because you sexually harassed a subordinate.
Currently he is harassing you, but if you engage, as a supervisor, you become the culpable one.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 September 2011):
 Tell him you prefer to keep your work place proffesional and dinner "dates" is not professional.
I wouldn't be surprised if this is the office "man-ho" and that it's not just a "friendly" dinner. Married or not, I find it a bit creepy.
And taking your number from the database, big no-no.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I agree he had no right taking your number from the data base in the first place. It may be a case that he is lonely but he is not just looking for an innocent dinner this runs much deeper therefore you need to be on your guard. You are the supervisor therefore decline nicely and ask him to get rid of your number that you are not interested.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 September 2011):
 This guy is setting you up. I'd document the stalking, including his getting your number and take it to HR, right away. You're about to lose your "supervisor" credibility and with that, your job. Better document, document, and report, like, now.
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