A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am an unemployed single mother living with an adult daughter who is having a part time job at minimum wages. Money is really tight. I've met this wealthy man 20 years older than me. From the start he says I bring no money into this relationship so I am not sharing his wealth. He is happy to pay his share for food and petrol. He does help me out around my house when things break down. We've been together for 4 years now. I am not after his money and we get on well. Sometimes I just think he is too mean with his money and just watch us struggling to make end meet. Am I thinking wrong or is he doing the right thing? Please advice.
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female
reader, Avalon  +, writes (3 September 2010):
Perhaps he has been hurt before by women who were just after his money, and he is being cautious. Maybe he will soften over time.
And LLindy87, sorry to say this, but your friends are jerks. How much does a drink cost...5, maybe 6 bucks? That's ridiculous that they let you sit and watch.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Don't believe your entitled to someone's money just because your dating them. It's different if your married or something. But pay's his share and helps you out, this is more than good enough. You and your daughter have taken steps which bring you to your situation, why you expect this man to take care of you both, I don't know. You must live on the money you receive and be grateful if he gives you anything. The fact that he's rich doesn't mean he has a duty to give you his money which you didn't help build. Your with him because you like him, his money is none of your business.
Nobody owes you or your daughter anything. Your both adult women, you must work and survive like everybody else, and stop looking for handouts from other people. (government money is not included, benefits are to help keep you alive, and is your right as part of your citizenship.) If you want more money, then you will have to become more creative at saving or bringing income in.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Phoebe Halliwell, I agree with the last bit. There are a lot of guys out there who have money and yet still make the struggling person pay.
I'm a college student, no money, face paced college so its hard to find time for a job, I'm looking for one now but no such luck. My friend has a job, she has money and her dad's inheritance. She asked me to go to bingo with her one night at a bar, I went and then the waitress told me I couldn't pay unless I bought a drink. I didn't have money and only went there to play the free bingo to win drinks, I did this weeks before so I thought this was okay..well, I ended up watching my friend and her boyfriend play bingo because neither of them would help me out, both had enough money. I thought that was mean, because if it were reversed I'd have bought them a drink and not even made them pay me back. I know this isn't a guy situation, but it is about money and the way people handle theirs.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Being protective of your money isn't a bad thing. After all, he probably worked really hard to make it. It is mean to sit back and watch people you care about struggle, and I mean REALLY struggle, when you have the solution.
I'm not saying you should expect him to share everything 50/50 with you, but he could help to ease the strain a little. Maybe he sees your relationship as an investment, and he doesn't want to invest too much because it might not work out?
Preferably before you get to a point where you can't see a way out of your problems, talk to him. Tell him how much you're struggling, and make sure he knows you don't expect a huge amount from him, but ask for his help when you need it. If he says no, he says no, at least you asked! I don't understand why he wouldn't help you guys out a little, it's not like you're sitting at home all day doing nothing or spending huge amounts on shopping trips that you can't afford to pay back. You're just trying to get by. Why would you watch people you care about struggle? You have to get some explanations out of him, his actions are very confusing!
PS: at least he's paying his share of things, be thankful for that - some guys don't even go that far! xxx
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (3 September 2010):
It is very wrong if hes in a position to help you guys and hes not doing it because he thinks you didnt bring any money into the relationship.
If you just started dating, i will say he is testing you to see if you re actually there for the money.
But after 4 years, thats just too mean and selfish. You should rather look for someone else who is willing to share their all with you.
I am a student working part time, my girlfriend is working full time but lives on her own, paying her bills, while i live with my parents without much expenses. Although she earns far more than me, but when shes broke, i normally spend my last cash just to help her out, cos she does the same for me.
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