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Am I wrong for calling baby daddy when his son cries for him?

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2022) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 January 2022)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all. I have a child for a married man. His wife, then fiance broke up with him a couple months before they got married. During that break up period we had sex Before they started dating, we used to have casual sex. And he treated me like I was his gf but it seems like he never really considered us as being in a trelationship. He met his wife and he didn't care much for me. I still loved him. He was the only person there for me when no one else was. Nonetheless, he and his wife got back together and got married. But, I was pregnant. Our son was born after they got married. He is now two years, and there are times he would be up late and ask for his dad. So I would call him late at night. And even early in the morning, so I would call him. His wife gets angry when I call him late at night. Or very early in the morning. Sometimes our son might get up at 5am and cry for his dad. Am I wrong for calling my BD whenever his son wants to talk to him? If he works at night, he may answer, but when he's at home, he wouldn't. Am I wrong?

View related questions: broke up, fiance, got back together, married man, period

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A male reader, Chip United States +, writes (19 January 2022):

Chip agony auntYou are such a fool, because I don't think a 2 year old child will wake up and cry for daddy. It's just you trying to fuck up the marriage of the man you thought would want to keep you. He was getting easy pussy and it's your fault that you got pregnant. Aren't you old enough to know what causes pregnancy and if so, WHY were you not on birth control of why didn't you demand he use a condom. Hell, you just wanted his dick in you and baby, you got it. Now, leave the guy and his wife along, because there are other horny guys out there that will gladly open your legs and give it to you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022):

This kind of behavior is the textbook definition of "baby-mama-drama."

Two year-olds cry for the most nurturing and closest parent. They love them both; but their mother is usually the one they want the most. You're mommy, and you're the expert at consoling your toddler. At only two years-old, they haven't developed that level of decisiveness. Either/or is their general preference.

I caution you about harassing a married-man early-mornings, and late-nights. You're begging for a custody battle. His wife just might decide if the child wants his daddy that much; maybe he should live with daddy!

I mean seriously, my dear?!!

Make sure the child-support is on-time; and it's best to have things done through legal-process regarding visitation. Otherwise, you're building a case against yourself.

To quote Honeypie:

"He sounds like a douche."

I would agree.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 January 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntOh come on, you can't seriously expect anyone with half an ounce of common sense to believe you are phoning this guy for the sake of your son. A two year old can be placated and comforted by whoever is there with him that cares for him, in this case YOU. You are using your son as an excuse to disrupt his father's married life.

It's sad that you think so highly of someone who used you for sex and never even considered you his girlfriend. I do feel for you because you have obviously not had the easiest of lives, but that is no excuse to try to (a) use your son in this way and (b) try to disrupt this guy's marriage. If you were having casual sex with him, you should have taken precautions not to get pregnant. Was it a real accident that you got pregnant, or did you plan it in an attempt to get him to stay with you? I ask this because you sound very manipulative. Your son's father has chosen to marry someone else. Accept it and move on - for EVERYONE's sake, i.e. yours, your son's father's, his wife's but, most of all, your son's. It won't be too long before your son starts to understand what you are doing and it could have a lifetime affect on him. Stop now before you do any more damage.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2022):

I was half way through typing a response and realised that Honeypie said it all in the best way.

Grow up and stop using your son as a weapon to manipulate your ex. In the long run it's your son who will suffer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2022):

Children should not rule the roost. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to talk, or play, you lay them back down and tell them to go back to sleep. Set some rules and some boundaries. You hear of children waking in the middle of the night or early morning and demand that the parent attends to their every whim, but the parent that does so is a fool.

Your child will soon learn that they do not get their way every time they want something, which is how they grow into well adjusted adults. Adults who have learned all through their childhoods that they get what they want when they want it, make for unhappy, unpopular adults.

So do your kid a favour and set rules and discipline.

Applies to you also, I suspect, as you think you can disrupt other people's sleep because your child says so.

No. Every heard the expression, 'the tail wags the dog'?

Think about it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 January 2022):

Honeypie agony auntYes, you are wrong.

A two-year-old doesn't NEED to talk to "daddy" late at night or in the middle of the night or early morning. What you are doing is emotional blackmail, petty and manipulative. What exactly is the "baby-daddy" supposed to do for your son over the phone?

Set up a LEGAL visitation schedule and child support. If he doesn't want to see his son, then you need to figure out HOW to raise this child as a SOLO parent.

You made the choice to have unprotected sex with a dude you barely knew and as a result, you got pregnant and had a child. He chose to have unprotected sex with someone (you) while on a "break" from his fiance and made a child. So yes, he should be financially responsible, but if he DIDN'T even consider you his GF while sleeping with you, do you really think he wants to be a dad?

He sounds like a douche.

You sound manipulative.

you aren't calling because of your son, you are calling because you hope to sabotage his marriage and that it will make this man come back to you and your child.

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