A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I currently am separated from my husband and we are in the middle of a divorce. It has not been finalized but we have not seen or spoken to each other in over 5 months, my attorney just sucks and is really slow.Anyway, I recently ran into my former high school teacher. I graduated high school 14 years ago and he was my teacher 16 years ago, and left to go teach at a different school that year. Anyway, he is currently in the middle of a divorce as well. We have started dating each other but would like to keep our relationship quiet until our divorces are finalized. There is a bit of an age difference (15 years) but I have dated older men before and it's never been an issue. I prefer to date older men, (no, I do not have a daddy issue, I actually have a great relationship with my father). I just find that older men are more secure in who they are and tend not to play as many games as younger men. They also seem to be more in touch with their emotions. Anyway, my question is how should we handle telling our friends and family about our relationship. Even though it's been 16 years since he was my teacher I am concerned that we will have negative reactions about the whole "teacher/student" relationship, especially because of all the sick creeps that sleep with their underage students. Obviously our situation is not that case as I am 32 years old. I don't want him to get a bad reputation or for people to talk bad about him for being unprofessional. Some of the the the articles I have read on the Internet say that it's never appropriate to date a former student no matter what, but I feel like after a certain amount of years we are just two adults running into each other and rekindling a friendship. I have really fallen head over heels in love for this man, and I want to handle this in the best way possible for his reputation. Am I worrying too much about this since it's been so many years since he was my teacher?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Maybe I'm under reacting here. But since you guys have not had any contact for 16 years I think that his being your former teacher is a non-issue.
perhaps you had a crush on him when you were in High school and that's making you uncomfortable about it?
I think once the divorces are final and you two are together and sure you are going to be a long term committed couple that NOTHING needs to be said...
I mean except for folks you went to high school with who's going to know? I know for me I'm not even friends with anyone from high school any more.... so unless I said something about it, no one would ask or think to ask.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Because the teenage years are very intense and formative, I think that many of the ideas we have as teenagers stay with us as we grow older. I left school 12 years ago but I still remember most of the teachers' names and faces. Honestly, if one of my friends or sisters told me that she was dating one of our former teachers, I would be extremely shocked at first. Not because I think there would be anything wrong with it but because in my mind those people are still my teachers, no matter how much time has passed. Sadly, when we're young, teachers seem like aliens from another planet (I now find myself, as a teacher, on the other end of this) and even though I am now teaching, I find it hard to picture my old teachers doing normal things, including dating. This might be what you have to deal with. What you are doing is sensible, waiting until your divorces are finalised before going public. It's better not to drag new partners into old stuff. When you do go public, tell very few people at first, and people you can trust. You don't need to make a massive thing out of it, but obviously if you plan to introduce him to friends/siblings/parents who knew him as a teacher, it's only fair on everyone involved to warn them about who they are about to meet so there are no nasty surprises or someone saying something bad by mistake.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I think you have a healthy caution for the way this may impact both of your reputations. Fact is, some people will just talk, no matter what is said.
Maybe just introduce him as a man, and if someone happens to recognise the name (your parents, siblings or old friends) just tell them you ran into each other and got to talking and explain your feelings to them straight away. Clear the air before it gets foggy :)
Hopefully people will look past the former professional relationship and see two mature adults who enjoy each others company.
Let us know how it all goes and give feedback :) xo
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