A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles,Im in my first ldr, and Im having some communication issues. It seems like my significant other is perfectly fine and kind of aloof to the communication we have now. She has apologized for not replying and hasn’t really said that she’s busy or anything. I know for a fact that she is reserved and shy about many things and I’m more of an open book. However I feel like my needs for communication are not being met. We used to stay in contact a lot more but it feels like I’m the one that is making the deadlines on trying to keep up with r every other day communication and she is letting a 1-3 days go by with no communication. I’ve told her I really value staying in touch and I think it’s important just to keep each other involved in our lives and she’s agreed. I don’t want to seem needy or clingy but I feel like my needs for communication aren’t being met. I know its ldr, I believe I understand a lot about where my fears are coming from that are attached to this, might have jumped into it a little early, and I guess Im just looking for a little advice. I know I need to talk to her about it. What do you guys and gals think? What can I do differently? Is it my expectations of the situation that need to change? Am I suffocating her with too much communication by replying when I do? Thank you..
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (19 June 2010):
 LLindy87..I never for a moment said the LDR isn't real...I said they are hard work. I should know..I was in one for 8 years. I'm just saying that most people can't handle them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you all very much for responding, helping a brother in need and hearing me out. Regardless of what happens it will be a learning experience which my future partners will benefit from. Its already given a lot of insight and I feel it will strengthen me as a person. I chose to be in this relationship and I am going to look at it like any other endeavor in life.
Update(if you care):
We've been keeping in contact via text messaging. So if I send her a text on monday and if it takes her until wednesday or even friday to get back to me, it does. She's obviously busy or I've been wanting to much communication. I have other things to-do like my summer class work, job and projects to focus on. Forgive me for sounding a little rushed at explaining my situation but I want to thank you all for your advice. Both sides of the spectrum are deeply appreciated. Advice sometimes is just news that you already know but you just needed someone verify it. I feel this discussion has helped me identify where I stand. I do think I am going to stager my texts back to her from now on and not be overly exited to reply back(aka wait a few days to respond). I have received identical feedback from her and I will hope for the best. Thank you all for the good luck and I wish you all the same.
ps. I'm going to Toy Story 3 today!! :) xoxo
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (19 June 2010):
 I disagree with both of you! a relationship is what two people make it to be and long distance relationships can work if two people make it happen. I will agree that they are hard work. But don't say that a ldr isn't a real relationship because by saying that you're insulting a lot of ppl who have done the work at keeping their ldr alive. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (19 June 2010):
AskOlderSister is 100% right. The odds for LDR working are slim because they require so much trust, time and maintenance and most people just can't handle the distance for very long periods of time, they lose interest. They just require way too much effort for the average person. Trust me, I've been in several of them, and unless both people are 110% committed and agree on EXACTLY what the long term plan is, and how they are going to maintain the relationship, the relationship usually fails.
You can certainly try to make things work..suggest a definite time to talk to each other every day, either on phone, through skype, or on msn, ect...and both of you have to WANT to do this, and be faithful about it, and to EACH OTHER.
I wish you all the best, and don't mean to discourage you, but the majority of the time, the relationships dont make it. One or both people just get tired or bored of them. I won't even go there about the "always being alone" feeling. You really have to be a strong independent person for these to work. Good luck!
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