A
female
age
41-50,
*abbystar
writes:I started getting weird vibes from a man at work. He is married with two kids. We work together and keep it professional. I noticed that when people are not looking, he will wink at me with a smile. He did this twice. If I need something that involves his department, he goes out of his way to help me. Is this normal? I feel weird because I admire him as a friend and co-worker, but his actions suggest something else. Maybe I am reading into this. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): Maybe ask yourself a few questions? I am a guy coming out of a similar situation at work and it is very difficult. How I handled it was to ask the following:1)does she do this with others or just me?2)Is this becoming more intimate in nature?3)why does this happen in secluded areas of our office, but then she sometimes is indignant with me or acts uncomfortable with me in front of others?In my case, she sent me obvious signs, like extremely close, provocative body language. She even spooned me in her cube one evening, then got irritated because I asked her if she was interested in me. She initiated contact with me via excessive email and phone calls to come to her desk for "apparent" problems etc. But it turned out badly. She and I are both married. She can't take responsibilty for her actions and she couldn't leave me alone - until I finally asked her to do that. I couldn't deal with someone trying to seduce me one day and developing a sense of virtue the next. The sad thing is thru it, I tried to get back to being friends. Shes a wonderful person in many other ways and so am I. I think we're both just attracted to one another in lonely times of our lives, in spite of being married. Now we will probably never even speak again and that is pretty sad. I miss her friendship, but if she were truely a friend to me she would have helped me be a friend - not continue to try to arouse me then shut me down. Everytime she walks past my desk, like just now, it hurts. Not because I'm love sick, but beause I have to accept that some people use others to make themselves feel good, and discard them for their true friends. Don't let this guy play you. Move on to someone who has time for you and will not have an alibi for not being around when you need him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2011):
 stop reading into it.
you guys are friends and he's flirty...
if he talks about the wife and kids it's NOTHING other than worktime fun and games.
go to work
enjoy it
go home
do not daydream about him leaving his wife or having an affair with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): People can flirt in different ways.
I would not read into his intentions, but this does give you good time to think about how you would react IF this was more than a mere wink.
Address how you feel about ANY married guy sending you signals that he is interested in you. Practice what you would say or do.
Now that you have a plan if the moment arises, just concentrate on your work and keep your attitude professional.
:)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2011):
 I think it can be one of three things, 1. he is trying to make you feel at ease or 2. he is hitting on you, 3. he is a flirt.
I'm honestly guessing #3.
If you ignore the signals he keeps sending out, hopefully he will realize that you are not interested.
If he starts to escalate, talk to him, tell him that you aren't interested. IF you start to feel uncomfortable tell your supervisor.
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