A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I over reacting if my boyfriend has a wedding on the day of my birthday and I do not want to attend? I am not close with the couple that is getting married and my birthday is the only day out of the year that it is all about me. He gives me a hard time about it and says "what do you want me to do about it". Every year for the last 5 years I have gone somewhere on my birthday and he expects me to spend the day with him and be happy for someone else on their special day. I do not even like her. What am I suppose to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Celebrate your birthday the day before or the next week, it's not a big deal to have your party later.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Stop being so selfish! I think you "expect" too much.
"Every year for the last 5 years I have gone somewhere on my birthday and he expects me to spend the day with him and be happy for someone else on their special day. I do not even like her. "
What you are basically saying is that as long as you are happy, and pandered to, then you really couldnt give a stuff about those two people who are supposed to be celebrating the happiest day of their life, because they were inconsiderate enough to schedule their wedding on YOUR birthday. OH THE CHEEK of it! How dare they!
You are making unreasonable demands on your boyfriend. How would you feel, if one of your friends didnt come to your wedding because "its my girlfriends birthday and she wants me to spend the day with her instead". I expect you would be a little annoyed.
I say lucky you for being able to celebrate and go out for the day for the last 5 years. I have had to work every Birthday for the last 5. You are only 30-35, there will be plenty more Birthdays in the future. Are you really so selfish that you cannot compromise for ONE day. I am sure your boyfriend will make it up to you, but if you carry on like this, he may wonder what else you will demand in the future.
His friends were kind enough to invite him (and you) to their special day, so the least you could do is act with good grace.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (16 November 2009):
My brother was the best man at a wedding,and it was his girlfriends birhtday that day,She was fine with it and even got a mention in his speech.They celerbrated it the weekend after so it felt like she celebrated it twice.Go to the wedding and enjoy their day,you will have plenty of other birthdays.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (16 November 2009):
My brother was the best man at a wedding,and it was his girlfriends birhtday that day,She was fine with it and even got a mention in his speech.They celerbrated it the weekend after so it felt like she celebrated it twice.Go to the wedding and enjoy their day,you will have plenty of other birthdays.
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A
male
reader, grubbyduckling  +, writes (16 November 2009):
Would you go to the wedding if it weren't on your birthday? Having said that you don't like the woman getting married, I'm curious to know.
Of course if you're heart is in the right place about the whole thing, if you don't want to go to the wedding, maybe plan a day with your friends instead. Your boyfriend can attend the wedding on his own with your blessing, and it's win-win. That being said, being a supportive partner means making compromises here and there, and it would be a grand gesture on your part to attend the wedding with him...Regardless if it's your birthday...Regardless if you don't like her. Your boyfriend will appreciate the gesture, and I'm sure that his feelings matter to you.
You could even talk to him about a compromise: Find some time at the end of the night to share some champagne or dessert with him. You'll still be dressed up!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (16 November 2009):
 You want to know what I did my last 5 birthdays? I worked... But that's either here nor there.. I think you just need to suck it up and attend and have fun at this wedding... You don't have to celebrate your birthday on your birthday... I really don't understand the big need to do so to begin with.. every day is just as special and a new day to discover new things.. But well... You are picking the wrong fight, it's not like he is marrying the girl getting married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): At 30 you should be above this... celebrate your day early, and then celebrate it again... Life is about making decisions, and realtionships are about not everything "being about me"... you need to be flexible- find a way to do BOTH. Obviously, your BF is close enough to the bride and groom to feel a strong need to attend their wedding. Your place is with him, at the event. Our significant others shouldn't be forced the make decisions like you're trying to force. If you're not careful, he'll go to the event and have some time to think and figure out that he's better off solo...
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 I'm sure you can't be half as self-centred and self-obsessed as your question makes you sound. Obviously your boyfriend wants to attend the wedding, more than he cares about your birthday. Which isn't surprising, as they will only get married once, but you get a birthday every year. He should go to the wedding and take another woman, that would really give you something to think about.
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Attending a wedding with your man could be very romantic, even if it's not your wedding. You just have to think out of your box. You both get to dress up; there will probably be plenty of free champagne. There may even be a big dinner and some romantic dancing. What better place to party for your birthday. And when it's over with you can always top off the night in a sexy little jazz club sipping on your favorite drink or dessert. If you're lucky the band will dedicate a song just for you. Sometimes giving your time to someone else is just the sacrifice you need, to make the day extra special. Besides, you'll get some great ideas for your own wedding so consider it "research". I hope your birthday will be fun and memorable regardless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): If your post is anything to go by, can you honestly say that 'my birthday is the only day out of the year that it is all about me?'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Your bf has been invited to a friend's wedding which landed on your birthday. The past 5 years, you have become accustomed to doing some special on your birthday. My suggestion:
Go to the wedding, dear..this couple is celebrating a new life together, a once in a lifetime occurence and your bf wants to go. Just go and celebrate your birthday, the next day...make the sacrifice this one time. That's what couples do..they compromise and do these things for each other. Have fun and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Join your boyfriend at the wedding, and then spend the day after or the day before celebrating your birthday! That's what I would do. At some point we as adults have to get over the idea that our birthday is "all about us". His friends cant reschedule their wedding, and he probably wants to celebrate with them. Weddings are romantic, look at it as a special date. And then ask your boyfriend if he'd like to do something special with you for your birthday on another day, maybe even make a weekend out of it.Or if you don't want to go to the wedding at all, let him go on without you and spend the day with your friends or at home watching your favourite movies or eating your favourite take away or whatever. I'm sure your boyfriend wants to celebrate your birthday with you, but he can't ask his friend to change her wedding day for you! Weddings are much bigger than birthdays- birthdays come once a year, weddings are supposed to be once in a life time!
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (16 November 2009):
 maybe your being a bit selfish here. Birthdays arent that big a deal unless its the big milestone ones.Ur birthday is jst another day, that happens to be a day where to people want to declare their love for each other. A happy occasion, what could make you so annoyed over this?
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