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Am I normal??? How can I overcome this shyness with women?

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Question - (16 February 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I want to know if I'm a normal guy. I'm 26 years old and I don't date at all. Not because I don't want to date, I find woman very attractive, I'm just shy. I have gone on a total of 5 dates my whole life, and have never been on a second date.

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A female reader, korculan queen Australia +, writes (17 February 2008):

Work on your confidence levels. Happiness comes from within and radiates outwards. You could try internet dating if approaching a women scares you. You can chat online and meet for coffee etc. My advise also is this. Walk down the street and the first woman you see look her in the eyes for two seconds and then smile at her. Watch her reaction. If she smiles back then you will feel the confidence boost hit you from her reaction to your positive gesture. The next day look at a woman and smile and then say hello or good morning. Watch for the response. You may get a smile a hello or she may stop and chat. Go to a coffee shop and just observe the women going there. No I don't mean perve I mean just observe and feel comfortable in the presence of women. If you have a dog walking your dog in the park you will meet a woman there. There are many women out there in much the same situation as you. Trust me just try the smile and hello and see where this positive act will get you. Let me know how you go mate. But don't be too shy that you miss out on life. Life is for living, dreaming, smiling and yes copulating. Dare to dream.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i usually call them the following day and we talk on the phone like normal. i am a perfect gentleman on a date. I keep them laughing and having a good time.

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (17 February 2008):

dearkelja agony auntHow soon after the date do you call the woman up? If you had a good time, the max you should wait is 3 days. If you wait longer, the woman may be losing interest. When this happens, no matter when you call, she will be unavailable to you, unless you have a really good excuse.

Why don't you try having more confidence in the first date. You set up what you're going to do. Tisha's right, we like a man who has a bit of confidence.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (17 February 2008):

Tisha-1 agony aunt"Faint heart never won fair maiden." Or something like that...

Dearkelja is correct, we need a bit more information to help you with this.

Do you ask the women for a date, or do they ask you? After the date, do you call them and tell them you enjoyed their company and would like to see them again?

Are you involved with hobbies, sports, activities where you could meet women with similar interests?

Oh dear, I just have lots more questions for you and don't have much more advice to offer at this point, other than to say that women like a man who has some self-confidence and treats them well.

All the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i mean we have a very nice first date, usually dinner and what ever she wants to do afterwards, a movie or just talking and we always hit it off and laugh. It always seems like when i call the woman up for another date, she tells me she has met someone else. i feel like im cursed or something

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (16 February 2008):

dearkelja agony auntWhat happens on the first date that you don't get to a 2nd date? If it is because you don't click then that's ok. If it's because you can't get past some kind of committment issue then I'd say you need to nip this in the bud. A lot of people are afraid of being hurt or of revealing themselves as they are afraid people will not like them but unless you do this, you will never move forward and find that special someone.

The next question, are you doing things that help you find women you have some common interests with? Maybe you need to find a hobby where you can meet people. Men and women. Some of these men may have a girlfriend who has a friend. Double dating is less intimidating than a one on one too, so that might be a good option for you.

I'm not saying you need a date a week or that you need a date at all but if you are saying you want to date and don't then you should work on putting yourself out there. It can be fun, it can make you feel sad at times but it really is one of life's experiences.

Enjoy. If you want to share more about your situation, we may be able to help you more.

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A male reader, polarkite United States +, writes (16 February 2008):

polarkite agony auntI think the key is to just to step outside of your comfort zone, and go for it, whenever possible.

There are so many missed opportunities every-day to talk to women and get their phone number and a chance to get some "coffee" with them. The key is to be honest and confident!

Anywhere you go, just compliment girls you like and ask them for their number. Eventually, statistically speaking, it has to work.

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