A
male
age
41-50,
*arkhorse
writes:Getting back with ex after I broke it off. I took 5 months to reflect and have come to the conclusion I want her back. She had tried to get back for the first 3 months of the time off, but then cooled off, though still sent text messages and seemed interested. I made the move last week to express my realized feelings for her and admitted to her my faults in the first one and why I wanted to try again. I told her this on the basis of her not being involved. She said there was a chance. The next day I got jealous over a mutual friend because I heard they had been hanging out. This pushed her away, said I was wrong. Well then she admitted to having an interest in him, later when we talked. I lost it, could't handle being so vulnerable and exposed, and got really mad at her. I stayed mad, until the next day, and I said horrible things to her, I told her I never wanted to see her again. I acted like a child. I'm am 30. I hurt so much now. She was willing to try and now I loss that chance because of how vulnerable I felt and the way I acted when she admitted the truth. The fact is, I don't care if they were hanging out, I don't care if she likes him, I just wish she knew I loved her. I apologized in person last night for my behavoir and wrote a letter explaining it this morning and dropped it off with a rose. Am I foolish? My girl friend says I'm making my self to weak and exposed... but I love this girl. She said to act as if I was done and it would bring her back. I don't want to. I want to confess my love and I want to tell her the truth. I'm so afraid I ruined things for us. Is there anything I can do to fix it? Should I completely leave her alone? My thoughts are this. I don't know if I should do it, but I want to. I'm going to write simple little notes, they say the following. "I'm sorry and I love you" I'm going to leave them outside her house with a rose every morning for 12 days. I will not call, text, email, write anything else. Is that a bad idea?
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male
reader, darkhorse +, writes (4 March 2007):
darkhorse is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both. I'll give an update here. Know that I have never felt so horrible and weak in my entire life. I am a guy who is very passionate and truthful about my feelings, I don't do a good job keeping them in, I tell them how they are, which I think hurt my cause. I she called me yesterday after getting my letter, specifically to want to know about one thing I had written, which I didn't fully disclose in the letter, I had an idea she would want to know the rest of the story and thought it was a good way to leave the door open to talk. Well she went for it. This tells me, and maybe I'm wrong, that she still is interested in a round a bout way. If I got a letter from an ex who wanted to get back with me and did all that I did, even if there was something I would want to know I wouldn't care enough to call and ask about it. So we talked, basically I filled her in on the rest and she kept saying what she has, that she doesn't think us getting back together is a good idea, I stayed strong and said Ok, so this is your final answer, she then would say "I don't know", which is just crazy. So to gain some power and composure back I told her "I'm done, I love you and goodbye" and hung up. The whole time she would just be going back and forth, so I know she is confused. I know she loves me. I just need to leave it all alone and move on and hope she comes back on her own strength and if she doesn't then she doesn't deserve me. I know that sounds cocky, but I have to think that way to justify getting over my feelings. She said she had to get off the phone because she was going to a friends house at one point in the conversation, she said if you would like we can talk about this more tomorrow? I ask why would we do that, she says to give me a chance to finish what I want to say, I say I have, I then ask if she has said all that she has to say, she says yes, I ask well would your feelings be any different tomorrow then today? She says I don't know, maybe... how crazy is that?? Can someone please tell me whats going on in her head? This is what my different thoughts are. You should know she has been seeing a therapist for the past year, it was on my recommendations to her that she went to see her, she had some issues from her past and self confidence issues, which now I feel like I have! Anyway, I think that she loves me and wants to be with me, as she displays when I am with her only in person, she is strong via any other form of communication. I think this is because what she has been told by this therapist is to not go back into this and I think she gets weak when I'm there, and can maintain that strength and thought when I'm not. Make any sense? Second, I think she has feelings for this mutual friend of ours that are stronger then she admits. That she is excited about the possibility of it and was hoping that I wouldn't find out, that way she could see where it went and keep me on the side until she found out, but when I found out about this it ruined that all, which now forces her to make a decision she doesn't want to make. Take a chance on the time and him or give me a second shot, she wants to do both but knows I will not wait for her if it is purly based on what it is. Make any sense? That's why she says Ok it over, then comes back and says I don't know, because she doesn't know what chance she has with him. Now if this is the case, which I will never know, then I definately don't want to be back with her. I don't want to have her feelings based for me on something else not working out. So my plan is to just go forward and have no contact whatsoever, just work at healing myself. If anything I think this is for the best, for me, and for the shot at getting her back? Thoughts? My last words were "I'm done and I love you", how conflicting... I just have to laugh but I can't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): While I am much younger than you, and have less experience in this area, I think you should simply talk it out with her. Talk it out while keeping your anger in check. Find out if she is still interested in you. I have found that words hold a lot more power than any action ever could.
I hope that this helps, but these may just be the deluded writings of an 18 year old.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): From what you have said here, you wanted your girlfriend back only after she had begun to give up on you coming back to her. Now that the tables have turned, and you are the one wanting her, she no longer wants you. Hmm... it sounds like you both only want each other when it seens youcan't have each other! I don't know what to advise really as it's quite tricky! Perhaps you should take her advise and cool off again, and hope that if she then wants you back, that you don't then go off her!
Good luck!
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