A
female
age
30-35,
*earloove
writes:So i met this guy off facebook. He actually initiated the conversation first. We never spoke before, but one day he just decides to message me and we have a nice conversation, we exchange screen names and start talking on aim. He would always be the one to message me first. Next thing you know it we exchange numbers and we constantly text each other everyday. And he would usually be the one to text me asking whats up, and we would discretely flirt all the time. Then he asks me out on a date to the movies, nothing happened but we both felt a connection. The night ended in a hug, but his texts messages got more flirty and sweet. On our second date he started to make moves. He held my hand in the theaters, a couple of times peeking glances at me while he stroked my hand. The night ended with a surprise kiss from him, i didn't expect it at all. From then on, every time we met to hang out he would kiss me and sometimes hold my hand. For the first month things were going smooth. He was extremely sweet and he would try to see me at least once a week.Then one night he decided to play the 20 question game. At first it was innocent questions but then we both got pretty sexual with the questions, finding outs things about each other that turned each other on. From then on our text messages were not only flirty but very sexual. We would talk about how bad we wanted each other and how sex would be like with each other. We would send sexual pictures of ourselves to each other as tease here and there. We both knew we really wanted each other, but we shouldn't because we weren't in a legit relationship.One night we decided to hang out. As usual we walked around the neighborhood or at the park holding hands and talking. we decided to sit at a park bench. We started kissing and then he started to kiss my neck, he knew it turned me on cause i told him before. At first i was hesitant and didn't continue but then i gave in and i started nibbling at him. Next thing you know it I'm on his lap and we are making out and getting way too touchy. But then i stopped it because i knew what we were doing just wasn't right. He backed off and didn't force to continue. Things didn't change, but we just wanted each other even more. We still continued to see each other. But i constantly questioned myself whether i should be involved with him cause then i didn't know if he was like most guys that wanted sex? but like.. what guy would stick around so long just for sex right?So things were fine. He actually started to come meet me up after school and we would hang out for a bit at least twice a week. He introduced me to a couple of his friends and we all hung out a few times. He wouldn't hold my hand so often in front of them but he would flirt with me or hug me out of no where. Sometimes kiss me as well. But he never put up an image as if we were actually going out.One day he invited me over to one of his friends house. I kinda knew the guy from the few times we all hung out so i took the invite. While his friends were playing games, he had his focus on me. We cuddled on his friends bed, kissing and all. But i felt awkward cause his friends were right there. He sensed that i felt that way so he pulled me into another room. I wanted to be alone with him but didn't know things were going to get out of hand. At first we were just making out in there, but then we started getting really touchy ad clothes started coming off. And then we had sex. I knew we shouldn't have but I wanted him so bad. And he wanted me. But after a few minutes, he stopped and said we shouldn't be doing this. That really surprised me cause usually its the girl that resists. So we stopped, got dressed and left that room awkwardly. I left that house feeling so dirty..and i left him with an awkward goodbye. The whole time all i could think about was if he would ever contact me again. But he did. Half an hour after i left the house he texed me casually. But after that day i felt like his text messages weren't consistent anymore. He would still message me but didn't constantly text me throughout the day like he usually would. I confronted him cause it really bothered me and worried me. I was pretty straightforward, asking if he actually did like me or just wanted sex. He replied that he liked me before we had sex, and he still likes me even after we did. So that made me feel better.. but I still worried. I didn't want to feel used.Our conversations were still the same. But after the situation at the friends house we didn't see each other for a week. And he didn't ask to meet up like he used to. He still kept up with the texts, but like I said, they weren't as often. I guess it's cause he knows he "has" me now? so the chase is over.But then we did meet up again, this time it was at his house. We sat around at first, watched tv, then layed around on his bed. Then of cors.. it got heated again and we had sex. But this time, neither of us stopped it. We wanted each other so bad. But this time, after sex it wasn't awkward.. we actually kid around afterward as if it was normal. Which it isn't! But i left his house and he texed me later that night. We usually would stay up till 3 in the morning texting eachother, but that night out of no where he stopped and didn't respond. The next day I didn't hear from him and it got me really worried. I wanted to wait for him to text me but then I couldn't resist so i texted him in the afternoon. He didn't respond, which got me even more upset. Then at night i decided to text him asking to talk. He answered saying sorry for not responding all day cause he was extremely busy, but was glad to talk now. So then i said : I don't know if you were busy or you just dont want to talk anymore. But if its that you don't want to talk anymore, then im confused. cause one sec we're fine and the next it seems like we're not. I'm guessing it has to do with what happened at your house. But i just hope im overthinking this. blah blahh all that kinda stuff. So he responds: nooo, i was very busy all day. i got your text but i was going to text you back once i got everything done. I should've at least told you, I'm really sorry.I didn't know if he was telling the truth, but it seemed like he was cause when i asked about his day he basically listed out his whole busy day running family errands. So I kinda felt like a total idiot and clingy for sending that message. I apologized later that night again for over thinking and said its perfectly fine cause he understands that its a girls thing to over think. Which i got to admit is true.That's basically the whole situation. I'm just really confused as to what he wants? I know he likes me... or liked me. I don't know if he still does. Here and there he would say that he really likes me. I constantly feel like i need some reassurance from him. I don't know if his response about being "busy" was just an excuse or was real, but i feel stupid for sending that accusing text. It's been 2 months that we have been seeing each other and I don't know if this will go anywhere. Right now we're just friends with benefit. I do like this, I don't really want to go into a relationship with him because i just don't feel that i can trust him with my heart. But I just want to know if he actually feels something for me, or am I from now on just his boooty call or something.
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booty call, facebook, flirt, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): If a guy gets in your pants without commiting, he probably won't ever commit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Don't play games! Be honest with him and yourself if you want a relationship with this man then just see where things go, try not to put so much pressure on him or yourself. He's not using you for sex or he wouldn't have continued to try after the first failed attempt which he stopped to begin with. I think he has genuine feelings for you so stop over thinking and just be with him when you are. If things happen and you are comfortable with them happening then let them.
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A
female
reader, Dearloove +, writes (31 March 2010):
Dearloove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice, i really appreciate that your taking the time to help me out :)
I'm not entirely sure if this is a friends for benefit thing. We've only done the house thing recently, and it's been two times. I don't really want a relationship, but I'd like to know if he actually likes me or not, and not just for sex. Cause, yes I do like the sex, but i like him as well. So do you think he does like me, or just being a guy.
again, i really appreciate your help
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Well u did appear clingy,and for a guy to want something serious with you,he needs to know ur not clingy.
now again u contradict urself. u say u dont want a real relationship but then u are worried whether he uses u for sex or not.
when 2 people are friends with benefits,it means they both have sex and none of them feels the other is using him.
then again,u act towards him like u expect him to be ur boyfriend.
if u are unsure about this guy...continue to see him more.and this time,dont always go to houses. go on dates etc....EXPECT HIM to treat you WITH RESPECT.
and of course,u gotta treat urself with respect. dont sleep at other peoples houses.
relax,take it easy and he'll come around. dont always chase him. if he texts u,dont always text back.
give the guy some time to breath :D Dont explain why u did this,let it seem that ur busy as well.
good luck
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