A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Am I crazy for being jealous of my boyfriend looking at younger women?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): My 53 year old boyfriend was forever looking and flirting with younger women. He even told me he wanted to do them. He asked a few, but they turned him down. Finally my boyfriend admitted he wanted a younger woman to have babies with. He found one (she is 22) and he left me 2 months ago for her. Ask your boyfriend if he would do them if he could. That would be a clue to leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Thought I had added a post earlier but it hasn't come up. So, I'll summarise again.My bf does this and we are currently in counselling; although this is not the only reason we are in counselling. He always gives an attractive woman "an appreciative glance" as he puts it. He also told me he will check out arses and thinks "that's nice" but that's it. I hate it because my values ensures that I would never do that to him. Yes, I notice attractive men but I do not give them appreciative glances whilst I am with my man - that is RUDE. Do I look at attractive men when I am out with my girlfriends - of course - but it's a giggle and not serious. Bottom line is I fancy the pants off my bf and no one truly compares. Perhaps I am just totally in love with him. Either way, the therapist, who is male by the way, started by asking what my views were on the subject. So I told him I thought it was rude and badly behaved to do that in front of your partner. He then asked my bf and he said about giving attractive women appreciate glances. And do you know what, the therapist sided with me. He said he totally got where I was with this and then he turned to my bf and said that "not many women would put up with or appreciate you doing that in front of them". He also said that unfortunately it is about core values coming together; my values meant I don't like it and my bf's values means he thinks there is no harm in this. However, underlying resentment (on both sides) can come to the fore if one tries to stop the other doing what they think is very natural. Funnily enough though, I think my partner, who normally thinks it's me being insecure, took what the therapist said and we went to an event recently where there were lots of women, and I didn't see him sneak a peak once. He has got a third party view on this and it has made him think.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 September 2008):
I would be jealous too.
Tell him to knock it off and show some respect when you are around.
If he wants to do it then he can go and gawp like a pervert when he's out with his mates.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): If you don't like it, then you don't like it. Also, it depends how he is doing it. I think it's personally rude to ogle other women whilst he is with you. It's ok to notice other people of course, as I am aware of other men. However, there is a difference between noticing and eyeing up. My boyfriend does this and it is currently the subject in our counselling sessions. Interestingly enough, I told the therapist (who is male by the way), that my boyfriend notices other attractive women and that it makes shopping and everyday stuff a nightmare for me. He basically asked my opinion on the matter and I said I felt it was extremely rude and bad mannered. I said I would prefer he does it when he's not with me. Likewise, when I am out with my girlfriends it's often good fun to notice and discuss a good looking guy. He then asked my bf what he thought, and he said he thought it was OK to see an attractive women whilst in my company and give her an appreciative glance. Thankfully, the male therapist said he totally gets where I am at with this and basically supported me. He turned round to my bf and said "I think you'll find there aren't many women who would appreciate that sort of thing". Hooray, so I am not the insecure woman my bf likes to make out. However, the therapist equally said that my core belief is that this is wrong - my bf's core belief is that it is natural for him to do it. Problem being, this can create underlying resentment -from my bf's point of view as it stops him doing something he feels is OK (however since the therapist told him it was bascially bad mannered to do it, he hasn't done it since) and underlying resentment from me because he is doing something I wouldn't dream of doing.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): If he's leering then that's wrong, but an odd look then yeah that's fine. But if he's going out of his way looking, I wouldn't put up with that.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 September 2008):
 If they are legal age then theres nothing wrong with it in my opinion. Blokes like looking at women, its hardly a new craze. If he literally leers in front of you, then thats rude. But expecting him not to notice other women is asking a bit much. Horses wear blinkers, not people.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, kinkydude +, writes (18 September 2008):
Men look at women. If he loves you, you've nothing to worry about. You're not crazy though...you're quite normal, so don't be too hard on yourself.
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