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Am I being slutty? How do I regain my self respect?

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Question - (30 May 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 16-17, *ittle Miss Love writes:

all my friends (in a jokey way) always call me slutty and its always just been a bit of a laughy joke, but i really think i am, i seriously cant help it but its not like i have sex with loads of boys just i flirt with different boys at the same time, but recently i think i have lost respect for my body a bit and dont really mind things like boys touching my boobs or me snoging them... but i dont mind, i think i quite like the atention? :/ i have always been a strong, positive girl but now i think everyone calls me a slut so i may as well give into it... does any one think i am being slaggy? and how do i regain my self respect? if anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it! thankyou x

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A female reader, Jac2b55 Australia +, writes (31 May 2011):

Jac2b55 agony auntYour profile states you are only 13-15... You have plenty of time for having 'grown up' relationships.

At your age you should be enjoying your first crush and first kiss...

You need to seriously need to consider why you are doing this.. From my experience those who behave in this manner usually have no respect for themselves.

Perhapos you could focus this energy on other things like sports, arts or whatever takes your fancy... The results of a hobby/interest will gain you alot more respect for yourself than being used by horny teenage boys!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (31 May 2011):

YouWish agony auntWhy would you react to something negative that people are labeling you by living up to that label?

If you like the attention that you get by being sexually promiscuous, then do it with no regrets. However, if you don't like it, but are instead being broken down by people's name calling, then you can turn it around in a flash.

First, think about why people started calling you slutty in the first place. You were flirting with many guys at the same time. Just be honest - you really like male sexual attention.

If you don't want to keep doing what you're doing, immediately stop letting men fondle your breasts in public. Immediately stop flirting with lots of guys at the same time. Instead, find one guy and give him attention and receive it in return, and be faithful.

Finally, a "slutty" reputation is really hard to shed. Maybe you might want to cultivate a new circle of friends and work on the reputation you're hoping for.

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A female reader, missesqueenbee United States +, writes (31 May 2011):

missesqueenbee agony auntI personally dont think that you are being "slutty" as you say. I think that their is a such thing as being friendly and being flirty but not trampy and slutty. If anyone of your friends call you a slut even in that joking matter (because there is always a little truth behind every j/k) its because your doing something they wish to do, or your wearing something they wish they could wear without feeling ashamed. BUt if you feel like youve lost your self respect then thats only because the people around you have made you feel that way! you dont want people to put you down and tell you what your doing wrong because of how they feel. Remember in the end its YOU.. Only you that has to wear your shoes and look out of your eyes. And use your mouth to talk

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A male reader, anon_e_mouse United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

anon_e_mouse agony auntAs a bloke I agree with the previous poster here. I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm sure women have the same thing... from a blokes point of view there are 2 types of girl:

1) Girlfriend material (wife material to us older men) and

2) girls which are only good for one thing.

Sounds horrible but that is the way boys think (I'm sure some women do too). You can still be flirty and not take it that far. It sounds to me you are enjoying yourself and yes, the attention is great I'm sure. EVERYONE loves attention. You don't want it for the wrong reasons though and I'll be brutally honest and admit that from what you say you are being a bit "slaggy" as you put it.

This does not make you a bad person. You are young and having fun but just going a little too far in my opinion.

Just because people are branding you a slut doesn't mean you are or have to be one. It's your choice who you are. Not theirs.

Regain your self-respect and others too by setting some boundaries/rules for yourself... flirty comments, cheeky smiles are ok if you really like someone but what your describing is a bit too far.

To boys, what is far more attractive is a nice girl who is maybe a bit flirty when she really likes you. Not someone who flirts with everyone.

As the previous poster also says, which is true at all ages... a kiss (or snog as you put it) with the right person when the time comes will be 100 times better than a kiss with just anyone.

Of course, the other thing to consider is if the right boy is around at some point in the near future and he sees/hears of this sort of thing it might put him off. Better to draw a line under this, start afresh and save yourself for someone who's worth it.

Don't worry. You're not a bad person and there is nothing that can be undone. Just set yourself boundaries and perhaps next time some boy tries to snog and touch you tell him you're not interested in that anymore.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (31 May 2011):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou're not respecting yourself the way you should be...and if you dont respect yourself, nobody else will.

A little bit of fun flirting once in a while is good, but don't take it too far. You're young and likely to get carried away. Why do you allow boys to touch your boobs? Its your body, your self respect...why allow others to trample over it? You might not have sex with loads of boys now, but if you make yourself available in this manner, you will be treated badly. No one likes being called a slut, even in jest, and while you know you're not a bad person or anything, people think of you in a negative way because you've allowed them to.

How do you regain your self respect? Respect yourself first. Treat YOUR body and YOURSELF with utmost respect. No one can or should touch you in a "bad" way, because you are not a doormat. Save yourself for the right person hon...a kiss with the right boy when the time comes, will be SO much better than snogging with just some guy.

Remember, command respect, never demand it. Good luck!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Set up some personal rules for yourself and stick to them no matter what happens

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