A
female
age
30-35,
*pades
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over two months now. The only problem is I think he is a little too attached to his family. He is 19 years old, yet he still has a curphew of 11:30 pm, this includes weekends. We also don't get to see each other much outside of school. I have also just gone through some drama with his brother-in-law. This isn't the first time our relationship has been questioned by his family.He tells me that he is always talking about me to his family as they are 'always asking about me'. His mother and a few of his other family members have read our conversations via msn. I love that he cares about me, but I feel like his family is right over his shoulder watching everything we say and do. And to be honest, it's really starting to get on my nerves. Am I being selfish for wanting him to man-up to his family? What can I do about this?
View related questions:
msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (20 January 2010):
ps. think of it this way... those people who are getting on your nerves? are the very same people who taught your man to be such a good, caring guy and to treat you in the way you are enjoying so much. If you have a good man, be grateful to them. Because I'm pretty sure the mother of the jerk who will treat you bad and leave you in a lurch when you need him most won't bother with you or your msn account at all. So maybe weight your priorities carefully.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Tigerlily is right as rain. At your age girlfriends come and go but family is forever. His family is obviously very important to him and I think that is very admirable. And assuming he's still living at home, his parents have every right to set a curfew. Remeber one of the best gauges on determining a person's character is how they treat wait staff and their mother.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (20 January 2010):
Honey, it sounds like he has a large loving protective family. In this day and age when most families just let their kids run wild with no idea who they are dating or what they are up to, I know you may not like it but I think it's kinda nice they care.
I understand at your age that you have a deep desire to be independent and you think you are both mature and grown... but when it comes to romance you still have a lot to learn - both of you. 19 is a very impressionable age... my brother got his heart broken at 19 by some immature flaky girl and he never got over it. So I can understand his families protectiveness. They have LOVED him for 19 years... they aren't about to just turn him over to some girl he's known for 2 months no questions asked. But if you stir up drama about that... well honey I'm sorry but you will lose.
You have only been dating for 2 months, so when you say "he's too attached to his family" -- who are you to make that judgement? You don't know him well enough yet, or them, or they you. You build love and a good relationship by accepting the other person... not judging them and asking them to change who they are. If you want them to accept you, try accepting them.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 January 2010):
I can understand why you feel this way. He does seem to be allowing them to control him far too much, so no, you're not selfish. The problem is change comes from within, so your boyfriend has to be able to stand up for himself. You can't just change him. I would talk to him about but if things don't start to change, you may need to move on.
...............................
|
