A
female
age
30-35,
*ute angel
writes:hey i am an 18 year old girl and this is my first crush..I have this humungous crush on a guy studying in the same college as me but we dont have classes together..i have seen him staring at me a couple of times but when i look at him he turns away..we have never spoken or met..i thought he knew my name but i found out that he doesnt know my name through a friend.He is a nerd who spends most of his time studying but i really really like him..but i dont want to approach him first.. i want him to talk to me but other than the staring he does not do anything and all this is killing me..please help me what should i do???
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female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Angel, you have nothing to lose by approaching him. I know you said you didn't want to make the first move, but unless you do, nothing will become of this. Next time he glances over at you - slip him a smile, and go over to him, try and use that opportunity to say something. Just do it. Put yourself out of your own misery.If you don't make the first move, you may never know, or you'll go on wondering if he really did fancy you or not. Personally, i think he's afraid of rejection. He fancies you, that's a certainty, and blatantly obvious, especially going by what you said - that he turns away when he notices you've seen him looking at you. Why else would he keep staring at you?This could be the start of a great relationship, so grab the chance while it's there. Go on, you know you want to. Like you said, you obviously have a crush on him, and judging by his reaction - it really sounds to me as though he has a crush on you too. Us Aunts on here can't all be wrong, can we?Good luck, sweetie, and i expect a positive answer from you soon.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Well, you spotted the problem. He is a nerd.
I am one as well, and sorry, no, he ain't going to make first move.
We are very insecure and do NOT know how to approach a woman, and because we don't know we don't do it and that means we never learn.
If you don't want to make the first move, well then forget about it. Sorry but being shy as a man is a real curse, especially if you are not sure about your looks. If you are even remotely pretty, he may not even bother to overcome his shyness as he will have classified you as out of his reach.
Subtle hints won't work either. Confident guys sometimes think that just because a girl smiles at them, she is intrested. But shy guys will think when you smile at them that you are just smiling at them, or someone behind them.
Trust me, I KNOW this from personal experience, he just won't even consider the fact that you might really be intrested.
What can you do to overcome it? Wish I knew, I only learned years later that I let a girl slip because of my shyness. It was only after I met a woman who approached me extremely directly that I gained some confidence and still today, if a woman winks in my direction, I look behind me to see who she meant it for.
You may well learn that as a big a nuisance those guys who think every girl is putty in their hands are and hit on anything in a skirt, the real problem is guys who don't, no matter how much you might wish they did.
You can't let him know you are intrested other then by making the first move yourselve. Sorry, but that is the way I was back then. Don't and nothing will happen. Scary? well yes it is, that is why he ain't doing it. But at least you know he at least seems intrested, that gives you an advantage.
What was it again? Grrrl power? Proof that feminism is more then just burning your bra and bitching about urinals only being for men.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 If you're interested, let it show. He sounds like too shy to approach you. Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want anything at all with a nerd. I think you should try to find a way to talk to him, on any excuse, in order to break the ice and get him talking.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Just try talking to him, you don't need to ask him out if you don't want to. Striking up a conversation is a good way to start, he may be really shy and want to talk to you himself. Start the ball rolling and see what happens...
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