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female
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*ckle-miss-sunshine
writes: I'm 14 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for months and he wants to have sex. I would but I don't know if I will ruin my 1st time. Also there all negative points and I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kat14  +, writes (6 August 2006):
 i know everyone is gonna have ago about the age thing but i went thru the same thing and we ended up breaking up because he wanted sex n all the pressure was making me stressed. if you have any doubts dont, im glad i didnt.
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female
reader, princess-gold-digger +, writes (6 August 2006):
 You said it yourself " would but I don't know if I will ((ruin)) my 1st time"
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female
reader, Jess1011 +, writes (6 August 2006):
 If you have ANY negative points at all, it shows you are not ready for sex and i think you should tell your boyfriend this and not have sex with him because he pressures you into it, your first time should be special and you should have no negative points and should not regret it when you do it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): If he like's you enough he'll understand if you told him to wait, don't go wasting your first time, i did and trust me if i could have it back i would, its supposed to be special!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Hey,I think the other readers who have posted answers are right in what they are saying. I'm 18 years old now and i lost my virginity when i was 14 years old. After 4 years and still to this day, i'm still regretting it. The reason being was that the guy was more experienced and told me he loved me and all the usual stuff. At your age i was very naive and believed every word he told me and we had sex a few times. It turned out a month later that he only wanted me for sex and soon dumped me.I am not saying your boyfriend is like this, but if i could be in your position right now again, i definitely would wait. It's important to feel that YOU are ready and only do it when it feels right. If your boyfriend loves and respects you, trust me he'll wait, i know from experience. Just be careful and remember contraception if you really are going to have sex.Good Luck
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female
reader, ask paige +, writes (3 August 2006):
 hi well i think that at 14 years old your still growing and at the min i think you are perhaps a little to young to have sex also when you do plan to have sex you need to feel ready in yourself and acctually really fuly want to because at the end of the day this is quite a huge thing to do so u need to no that your ready good luck xxx
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (2 August 2006):
 My dear at 14 yo are too young emotionally and physically to have sex, if you are not ready to have sex yet your boyfriend ought to respect your wishes, simple as that. xXx
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 August 2006):
 There's an interesting juxtaposition between your question and the one immediately below it. See the one about the 14-year-old who might be pregnant?
The short answer to your question is this: if you don't feel ready, you're not ready, so don't do it.
Just for now, let's leave aside the whole argument that at 14 it's VERY ILLEGAL for you and your boyfriend to have sex at all. But it is, and you should know that. The law is there for a reason, because very few girls your age are actually emotionally ready for sex. That law protects you. Use that fact if you want.
It sounds very much to me like your BF wants sex, but you don't. Is that right? Well, you have to level with him: "I really care for you, but I'm not ready for sex yet". Don't be swayed by sweet-talk. Some guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, but the fact is, you're scared and not ready.
It's important that he remember that sex just isn't about his own burning need. It's also about you, about contraception, pregnancy, responsibility and about your emotional readiness. If all the details aren't exactly right, and you're unsure, it's going to be enormously disappointing for you, and you may possibly find yourself pregnant.
So here are questions you need to think about:
* Do you really, really want to have sex with him, and nothing else will do? (If not, you don't. Simple.)
* Do you understand that men and boys are capable of having sex without emotional commitment, so that having sex with you doesn't always mean that he loves you? Would you still go through with it, even if you knew he was just after his own pleasure?
* If you're still determined to have sex, do you have access to reliable contraception, (condoms/Pill)?
* Whose responsibility do you think it is to prevent pregnancy?
* What do you think will happen to you, to your relationship if you DO have sex with him?
* What do you think will happen if you don't?
A whole lot of young women like yourself worry that if they don't have sex, they'll "lose" their boyfriends, but how much of a "loss" is that, really? Any guy who'd drop you because you wouldn't sleep with him is basically regarding you as a sexual receptable for his own needs, and doesn't care about you as a person. Some loss.
So. What should you do? Tell him you're not ready. Let him know that you're happy with the relationship as it stands and anything more is not only illegal but more than you feel you can handle.
Then let the chips fall where they may. Your feelings are more important than his, because you have the most to lose here.
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