A
female
age
36-40,
*immy_M
writes:I am 25. My boyfriend ended things almost a month ago. Since then we've pretty much spoken everyday, and on sunday we met up for sex. I know, I know, absolutely terrible idea and I know that now. We had a great night and he stayed the morning after and gave me plenty of cuddles, lay on the sofa with his head on my chest etc. This lead me to believe he wanted me back. Why else would he bother with cuddles? I asked him straight and he said "I don't want to be with you, why do you have to go on about it?". Now I don't know what to do. All these advice websites say you must break contact with him, etc etc, and at this point I'm almost ready to do that. I'm just scared in case he doesn't care, and I never get to speak to him again...How likely is it, that if I write him a brief email explaining that I can't see him/speak to him anymore, that he will come running back?Even though he said he doesn't want to be with me, I find it so hard to believe after how he was with me on sunday.Please DON'T Tell me to move on, I've tried over the past month and I just don't see it happening in the near future :(
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male
reader, cumasoon  +, writes (30 October 2008):
hoestly forget him ignore him get some1 else takes1 to forget 1. dont let him use u u better than that
A
female
reader, Kimmy_M +, writes (29 October 2008):
Kimmy_M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, today is the first day since we split that I haven't spoken to him. I've avoided contact for example, haven't signed into msn and turned my phone off. I have been signed in as 'appear offline' and yet he STILL messaged me, assuming I was there. It took every ounce of strength in me not to reply. And I haven't, and I won't. But why oh WHY is he still contacting me if he 'apparently' doesn't care?
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (28 October 2008):
I agree with was has been said about his two sisters. If they are real friends to you, they will be by your side in times like this, when 'women stick together' sort to say :)
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (28 October 2008):
 If you don't want to get used, then stop sleeping with him.......... End of!!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I'm sorry but how have you tried to move on over the past month if you've spoke every day and met up for sex?
That's not trying to move on, that's basically a relationship without the monogamy.
Don't send him an email, don't announce your plans, just break off contact. Don't do it with the motivation that breaking off contact will make him more because you'll just be secretly waiting for him to contact you and tell you he does love you, he does want you.
Give the moving on thing a REAL go. Go out with your friends, spend time doing things you like.
I have just come out of a similar situation, I really, truly didn't think I could ever move on - but I'm loving it, and I now know what I do and don't want in a guy - and thus closer to finding it. Don't waste time on what doesn't work.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I'm sure the sisters will understand that you need to see them away from anywhere the brother might be or show up. If they are your closest friends, they will accommodate you with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): plenty of people have NSA sex...just because you woudlnt do it yourself does't mean other people won't. I'm sorry but at least he didnt lead you on.
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female
reader, Kimmy_M +, writes (28 October 2008):
Kimmy_M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should probably add that he has 2 sisters that are 2 of my closest friends. This is how we met. So even if I did cut off contact, I'm highly likely to see him again very soon because of his sisters.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 October 2008):
 Honey, you state in your post that you are afraid to break off contact because if he doesnt care about you then you will never get to speak to him again, like it is some kind of privelage. Why oh why would you want to maintain contact with him if he doesnt care about you?!?!?! He cuddled with you because it was confortable, it was easy and it felt good ~ for him! If he has stated repeatedly, including after spending the night with you, that he doesnt want to be with you, then you must believe him! The chances of him running back to you if you cut of contact are somewhere between slim and none. If he doesnt care about you then he is just using you right now and the moment he gets a new girlfriend he will cut off contact with you on his own, so you doing it first is no big loss. You say you have tried to move on, but with talking to him everyday and meeting up for sex, how could you really expect to move on? You are maintaining too close of contact for your heart to heal. You do indeed need to take a step back so that you start to move on from him. Whether this needs to be no contact whatsoever forever or for temporary I am not sure. But you definately need to stop the daily calls and sex.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
He liked the sex, period. When a guy says he doesn't want to be with you, he's being honest and doesn't want to BE with you but will consider SEX with you.
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female
reader, Kimmy_M +, writes (28 October 2008):
Kimmy_M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I don't understand is; how can you spend a day with someone, cuddling them, having fun, laughing... and not have any feelings for them? I certainly wouldn't bother with all that if I didn't have feelings for the person...?
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female
reader, Kimmy_M +, writes (28 October 2008):
Kimmy_M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I don't understand is; how can you spend a day with someone, cuddling them, having fun, laughing... and not have any feelings for them? I certainly wouldn't bother with all that if I didn't have feelings for the person...?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
If you don't move on then you will be missing out on meeting the love of your life. You will never find the guy who be with you on Sunday morning with cuddles, Monday morning with cuddles, Tuesday morning with cuddles...you get the picture?
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A
female
reader, beebee305 +, writes (28 October 2008):
I think you need to realize that perhaps this is agame to him. He has no strings attached to free sex. Some people say that a woman need to feel close to have sex and a man needs sex to feel close so all the cuddles and snuggles afterwards are probably just part of his after glow and the the things he needs t feel so that the sex was rewarding to him. I mean you need to take that chance tell him in person, over email, phone etc. That you will not be his tawdry boot call any longer. I think once you seperate those ties it will be a little less painful as you continue to heal. You may keep line of communication open seeing as you afraid to never see him again but it think it will be easier to cut them down once you two have stopped having sex. Remember it is okay to be alone and sometimes you find out who you really are in these cases. BEST of Luck!!!!
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female
reader, Gio +, writes (28 October 2008):
Hi, is it that you can't get rid of him because he keeps on coming back? Or because you dont really want him to disappear from your world? It is up to you to have around only those you want. Only because someone wants to be with you whenever he/she wants, it doesn't mean that has to happen. As we say 'we are the makers of our own destinies'. It is the doors you open and close during your life, that will make things happen for you or not. In the same way, those doors will keep close to you only the people you want. Just think, he surely is not in love with you. If he was, he would have never had sex with you and then say he didn't want to be back together. That would definitely be reason enough to say bye bye.
Hope this helps
Gio
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A
male
reader, cumasoon +, writes (28 October 2008):
hi honestly he is using u for the sex n comfort ifi were u i would get some1 else to show him that u can do with out him and also u might find happiness else where but if u date some1 else . show a strong character show that u fine with ou him be positive it will hurt him. ps if u dating some1 else dont tell the world let him see or find out by hearing from people trust me good luk
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