A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this man 16 years older than me after I ended my marriage of 20 years. Five years on, I found him too old for me and he is not a caring person I've always wanted in my life. We live in separate home and he has been helpful around my house in these years. I've told him I dont love him anymore and I have to go. He accepts it though he is not happy. A week later he turns up and said he could not cope losing me and begs me to help him to get through this difficult time. He has no children and no family. He wants me to talk him on the phone when he feels down. Should I help him? Please advice. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 It will be easier for both of you in the long run if you go no contact... he needs to learn to be alone again....
of course if there is a true emergency (needs to be driven to the hospital or something) and there is no one else that could be done...
It reminds me of when my mom died. I was destroyed (i was 35)
I got home from her place (in a different state) and I walked into my kitchen and picked up my phone and stood there thinking... I was going to call my best buddy to tell her this most devastating news and realized I wanted to call my mom to tell her she had died and I couldn't... she was GONE...
that's what this is... he needs to find a support group so he can talk to folks about it.
You are not his therapist or his mom...
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 July 2012):
 Honestly, if you don't WANT to then tell him you can't handle the contact. You don't OWE him anything and it's not your job to entertain him.
He needs to find his own bliss and so do you.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Neither of you will move on from this if you are still involved emotionally. The next time he calls, do not answer or call back. I know these things are difficult, but you must do them in order for both of you to let go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): No you shouldn't, as it will only make it worse for him not better, despite what he thinks.
You should tell him that yes you will one day start talking to him again, BUT not right now. Tell him that maybe in a year, or two years' time, or something like that (every person has a different time frame for healing from a break up), then you will start talking again.
but let him know that if he has a real emergency like life-or-death, you can help him out.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 If you want him to get over you so you can both get on with your lives, it's best not to keep contact with him whilst things are still so emotional.
I know it seems cruel but by staying you will be a constant reminder of what he has lost and he will suffer even more.
...............................
|
