A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. This is pretty long, I would love some male advice because I have no clue what's going on! Okay here we go. SO, I started University 3 years ago, with a boyfriend and met a guy on my course. Anyway, he had a girlfriend too but we just clicked and ended up kissing on the yearly field trip! He broke up with his girlfriend and it took me a while but I broke up with my boyfriend too. Anyway, in the summer we saw a lot of each other, we slept together and nothing was said it was just great fun. Obviously we didn't want anything serious as we had just come out of relationships. However, towards the end of summer I could feel myself falling for him and tried to tell him but he simply said 'don't be ridiculous' then went very cold, then slept with one of my best friends. I was obviously very upset (he didn't know I knew about it) and I stupidly kept going back to him and he just went so cold. Please bear in mind he never ONCE said what he wanted from me. So, we've been on and off for a while, I still really like him and we have just come back from another field trip. He was so lovely and sweet, acting like we were together, kissing me and holding me in front of everyone then he went very cold once more. I couldn't handle it and kissed another guy on our course (not in front of him, in private) which was stupid of me, we were both drunk. He found out and didn't say a thing so I decided it was time to fully have it out with him.So I rang him that night and poured my heart out, told him i really cared about him, didn't want anyone else etc and cried. He said 'I really like you but I don't know what I want'. He then went on to talk about this other guy I kissed, like wouldn't STOP talking about it so I brought up my friend he slept with and we argued a lot. I wanted to end it nicely, said my feelings were too strong but he was so horrible. Said it wasn't about the sex with me, that he really liked me as a person and more so as a friend (even though we've never been friends) then went on to say he knew me well and thought I could handle a casual relationship. He said he was cold hearted and said some awful things, then said I was being ridiculous and couldn't take what I was saying seriously. THEN went on to say 'why don't you get with the guy you kissed on the trip?' like what I said meant nothing!!So I left him alone and he text me saying 'a bit gutted how things have ended' so i said 'and how do you think i feel? I'm just glad we spoke about it' then he said 'nah not that, just that it's ended like this' I have NO IDEA what he's talking about and just said 'don't know what else to do' and haven't heard from him since.I don't know what to do and still don't know what he wants!!! Can someone, preferably a BOY shed some light??? I still don't fully know where I stand. Sorry this is so so long! I've asked all of my friends and they're just as confused as I am. Thank you :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): You could always text back in response to his comment 'just that its ended like this' by saying : 'it doesn't have to end like this, how would you feel about going out on a date, start afresh, and do it properly this time' - I.e. make him wait for physical stuff/slow it down, and get to know each other as people, see what he says. It'll give him chance to indirectly let you know if he would ever consider you as a girlfriend, and also give you both the chance to start over in a proper manner - not a casual fling.
Keep us updated. Best of luck :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): I'm female so can only answer from a females point of view.I've read, and believe, that if you push guys for stuff such as where they stand in your relationship or how they feel, you will push them further away. I think we need to give men time to work out their feelings and to feel ready and comfortable enough to come to you to bring up stuff like this. Just imagine there was a guy who you had no interest in and he was really into you and ringing you all the time, it'd probably make you go off him more wouldn't it? So I think you need to be patient and see if he comes back to you. It'll show confidence and hopefully concern him wondering why you haven't been back in touch and hopefully he'll start to worry whether or not he still has a chance with you. So I'd wait and hopefully within a week or two you'll have heard from him, if not maybe it'll take him a bit longer or maybe it would be time to let go. In the meantime, be busy. I know it's difficult, I'm going through similar stuff with my fwb, who I like more than just a fwb. Patience, patience, patience :) good luck. Keep us updated :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice and I do very much appreciate it! I totally agree with what you're saying and I thought the exact same thing but it's the other parts that make no sense to me. Why act jealous? and why then say it wasn't about the sex then say you're gutted about the way it's ended? This just doesn't make sense to me, I still don't have full closure. But again, thank you :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 The key phrase in your submittal is this: "Please bear in mind he never ONCE said what he wanted from me. "
In fact.... he HAS "told you" what he wants from you... by his ACTIONS. He wanted SEX..... and you gave it to him... repeatedly, apparently. Soooo, he had no reason to "say" anything to you....
This is classic "guy" behaviour.... and you (women) have to be aware of it, and avoid it.... by NOT being sexually available to a guy until/unless you can be certain that HE is equally committed (as are you) to being intimate partners....
Sorry for his behaviour. Hope you don't experience this, again, in the future.....
Good luck...
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