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After 8 months he still has not asked me out. Should I put up with an 80:20 friendship/crush?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 July 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 July 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, *shboo2yu writes:

Ive been dealing with a guy for about 8 months and he still havent asked me out.

Today i was frustrated and was wondering whats up so i told him i think i like him more than he likes me and he said i do like him more than he likes me and the percent is 60/40

but i feel its 80/20 percent should i just let it go What does that even mean

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A female reader, Ashboo2yu United States +, writes (4 July 2015):

Ashboo2yu is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ashboo2yu agony auntThankkkk You guys i really was confused about the situation

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A female reader, Euphoria30 Germany +, writes (3 July 2015):

Dear OP,

I think it was a smart and courageous thing to admit your feelings to him. And it's also a good thing he was being honest with you. It gives you the words you needed to hear in order to move on.

Because that's what you should do.

The other agony aunts are right, don't settle for a man that is not really into you. It's a waste of time and painful on top. Say goodbye.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (3 July 2015):

chigirl agony auntI think, honestly, the way he responded means that he doesn't like you, but he likes the attention you give him. So he wants to keep the attention, but he will not date you. It's an ego thing. Humans looove attention and they feel flattered, and will give you just about as much as you need to keep clinging on to them. A casual smile here and there, the odd text (but only texts as a reply, they never text first). When you ask about it they will always have an excuse, but will tell you how much they like your friendship and value you and blah blah blah. But in reality they would not miss you one bit if you left. They just think it's nice to have someone who gives them attention, someone they can brag about to their others friends when they ask "who's texting you", they can say "oh, just this chick that has the hots for me...". It's an ego thing.

YES, LET THIS GUY GO. He does not like you. He just likes the attention.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2015):

He admitted you like him more than he likes you. That's not good enough. So stop wasting your time and feelings on a guy who can admit that to you. You were told what you needed to hear; and that should motivate you to move-on.

Learn how to give-up on what you cannot have. Persistent pursuit doesn't always payoff. "We can't always get what we want!"

You're a grown-woman, and already know you shouldn't put up with that. Feelings should be equally exchanged. He's not even a friend, he's just soaking up your feelings; because it makes him feel valued, and it strokes his ego. He wouldn't have strung you along for a long 8-months, if he wasn't using you for something.

Time to be strong and mature. Dump him completely. Sever all ties. You have to, so you can let go, and will not given-in to your longings for him. He'll take advantage of you knowing that. Holding you back from finding what you want and deserve. You're a little too old to let your crushes on men take hold of you. You already knew this, but you just needed to hear some unbiased opinions. I've been in your shoes; so I feel you.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (3 July 2015):

mystiquek agony auntAw hon..why would you want to hang around someone actually admitted that they didn't like you as much. That's rather insulting. I'm sure you can do better. I have been in that situation before and its honestly rather humiliating. I had a man tell me once that he did love me but he knew that I loved him far more than he loved me. It really stung even though I had always known it. My answer to him was "You know what? I love ME even more than I love you" and ended it right there. A few months later he tried to get me back. NO thanks!

Think highly of yourself darling..don't ever settle for less. Find someone who loves you..REALLY loves you. He's out there!

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