A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been having problems recently - he's been backing off because of trust issues, problems with his daughter etc - but we were supposed to be going on holiday this week to sort things out. He backtracked a couple of weeks ago, said he didn't feel like going away, but we should both keep our week off work booked and go on a couple of trips in the UK. Ok, not great, but maybe something to work on. I went to see my family at the beginning of the week and arranged to come back home on Wednesday and we would do something over the next few days. Without any warning I got a text from him on Weds am telling me he was in Italy, got a "last minute invite" from his (male) cousin and was back next Monday. Ended "ciao mi amore xxx" Heard nothing at all since. Previously, he texted/rung at least every day since we started going out.According to my friends I should just go round, get all my stuff out, and post keys through letter box. (as well as suggestions about rubbing chilli into underpants and squirting milk on furnishings!) What do you think? I don't want to let him get away without a confrontation - he's been so cowardly over this. Hasn't replied to the text I sent him back on Wednesday and hasn't rung. I don't think he deserves such an easy get-out as just quietly removing all my stuff and posting keys back without ever demanding an answer. Or should I just be dignified and walk away without seeing him again? (we've been together a year and things were fine - he even proposed a couple of months ago - until recently)...I jusr can't understand how things have gone so wrong, so quickly. Over the past two months it's as if I've been going out with a different person - not so attentive, loving, thoughtful as before. Have things just run their course and he's too gutless to tell me? any advice welcomed! thanks
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female
reader, sunrise +, writes (6 July 2007):
 You go girl. lots of respect for your decision, loads of luck , love and happiness for your future x
A
female
reader, sunrise +, writes (6 July 2007):
Hi, he doesn't deserve a confrontation and he certainly doesn't deserve you. He agreed you have problems and this week was supposed to be all about you sorting things out,sorting the relationship is not on his priority list, he thinks he's got you where he wants you and that you'll be there waiting for him, its possible he's out there with another female.
Do as your friends say, dont give him the satisfaction of knowing how he's obviously hurt you.
Move out and move on. Have respect for yourself, dont give him the chance to lie to you again. He wont be expecting you to react that way so enjoy doing it.
Have a party to celebrate freedom and invite all his friends, that should put closure on it!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice guys. I think I'll do nothing and leave it to see if he contacts me when he's back and take it from there. if I've had no contact by the end of next week, I'll know he wants to end it but is too gutless to say. Then I'll do the clear out!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 July 2007):
 If I were you, I would follow your friends' advice.
I don't think a confrontation would give you closure or do any good. The man will avoid it. A confrontation would only add pain. Now, I understand that you want to hold your own with him, but I don't think he'll give you that chance.
See it this way: you're far better off now that he's gone away.
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A
female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (6 July 2007):
 I hate to say it but it sounds an awful like he has another woman on the go although I'm not an expert I've never had it done to me thank fully but when hearing from friends about the way they were treated the similarities in this story are close. I would ask him what is going on and if he says nothing I would do exactly what he is doing to you act like you don't care that he dosn't ring or text don't text him back etc. maybe even start dating someone else. good luck and I hope that either he bucks up his ideas or you can find someone who treats you the way you deserve xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 July 2007):
 Go with your gut. If it's going to drive you nuts not to have closure, then a confrontation is in order. But you may not get the satisfaction of knowing why he's acting this way because he may not fess up. Then the whole confrontation thing is a mute point. (Could it be that he's met someone else?) If he's really spineless when it comes to getting out of relationships, then his pattern is to treat the woman poorly, withdraw affection, act distant, and hope that she pulls the plug. That way he never has to be the "bad guy" just the victim, and he can tell the next woman he meets, that he was "dumped" (poor baby, what can I do to help you forget about her?)....If it were me, I'd probably want to at least get in his face one more time and ask for answers. You may not get them, but when you walk out the door, at least you'll know you tried your best. Good luck.
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