A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hello all Aunts. This is Andy00 and today is the 2nd anniversary of my heartbreak.In the days leading up to this, my first love has been on my mind more and more with every day that passes. I'm so much stronger than I was a year ago, and I'm a mountain compared to what I was a year ago this day. Two years ago my two year long distance relationship was cut off by a girl who had become my best friend. I rejected a social life in order to talk to and spend time with her, and she ended it. The whole story is on my dearcupid profile, so please fell free to read it.Last night she was in my dreams. I feel so silly. She should be just a memory now. We haven't spoken in over a year now. She's moved on with her life, and I'm assuming that she's happy without me. Our relationship would never have lasted due to the fact that both of us would eventually have gone to university. We just wouldn't have time to meet with each other. I accept that. And yet, I still love her enough in order for her to appear in my dreams.It was so strange. Somebody had arranged for me to meet another girl, identical in looks to my first love. When I first saw this duplicate I was so shocked. The idea of running into my first love again in person is so scary. Even after all this time I feel like I'd just grab onto her and cry my heart out.Another point I want to pick up on is that ever since two years ago, I feel as if somebody is messing with me. It's probably just good old "fate", but I keep feeling like I'm surrounded by coincidence and irony ever since our relationship ended. It's total nonsense, but then why I am thinking like that?These past two years have been horrendous. I've dated other women, but I haven't maintained a relationship anywhere near to the same length as my distance one, and that worries me. Why could I hold it together when I'm in a distance relationship, but not when it's a normal relationship?I've gotten a lot stronger over time, and I hope that will continue to grow. But I want to be past this stage. There's no use in feeling sad about this any more. Is it just a case of allowing more time for my emotional wounds to heal?Thank you for every helpful answer I have ever received here at dearcupid for almost two years now. I really, really appreciate how much people have tried to help me in a very difficult time. I hope that will continue for as long as I need it.
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anniversary, best friend, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 I saw an answer on here from you the other day and I was wondering how you were doing. You know how when you start a diet and the pounds start rolling off but then, even though you stay on the diet, you hit a plateau and you can't shed anymore weight for awhile? I think you've just reached a plateau in your recovery. Hang in there and I think you will again start making progress. You will never forget this first love, ever, but someday it will just make you smile instead of ache. Love you Andy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Hello Andy. I'm fairly new here, (couple months) but I went through your stories and follow ups. One of the reasons why I did that was because I have been in an online relationship that measure to your level. To boot, it ended on Valentines Day...so from now on for the rest of my life that day will curse me. I know myself pretty well so I can at least say that much.
I know you've come a long way, but maybe if you read this it can help you a little? I know it helped me this year when I had my fair share of depression. It helped me to get over the past. http://www.thebecompany.com/meaningless.htm
I can tell you loved her very much...so I won't go into that. Seems like you are pretty strong yourself. I don't know how long it will take you to heal...maybe the anniversary is just making it more worse than it actually is. So I guess just give it more time. I think to this point its up to you if you want it to bother you or not. Maybe try to get out of the house and do something, but try not to be alone.
So about one of your questions, why does it seem easier in the long distance than a close one? I thought about this a lot in my own time over the years because I have been in a very deep intimate close-relationship as well as a long distance deep relationship (well more than one of each heh). The long distance were rllllyyy long..like as far as Trinidad to Australia..and Trinidad to Netherlands...cough cough. Anyway so yeah, I thought about it a lot because I did feel closer and more control in the long distance ones. Why? I think because it is purely all 100% mental...all the feelings we share in long distance are all in our minds with no physical contact and because of that, its much deeper. Think of it like, how a blind person has better sense of hearing and his other sense is much better. Cut off the physical contact and feelings we experience in an online can surpass what we can ever feel in a close one, like wise the feeling of longing is that much greater. We want the physical but have to choice but to accept but somehow the mental aspect compensates for the lack of physical. Count the fact that when you finally did meet it, you pretty much exploded.
So I hope that made sense, its kinda like 6am for me so I may not be as clear as I would hope heh.
And the feeling "as though someone is messing" with you...hm interesting. Is that like the feeling you get when you listen to all those sad love songs and go "oh wow it suddenly makes so much more sense now"? It could be that your guard is up ever since the break up. Its like how some rich people feel more paranoid when they add more safety to their fortune, or another lock to the door. Maybe you need someone to bring you back down to earth? Not sure though but maybe one of these strikes a pin.
The dreams....they should NEVER be taken literally and I read somewhere dreams tend to have meanings we can't understand from the surface. So don't let the dream affect things as much...although I'm sure you can't help it, maybe if you search online you can find some stuff about the meaning of dreams as per each instance. for example (and I could be wrong) , your dream about your ex love was not about her, but rather your old life. Or it could be a result of pondering on why long distance seems to be better with you.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I don't think the past yrs has been that horrible to you, just now it only seems that way. Our mind has a tendency to only remember bad things... conveniently.
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