A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A case of being emotionally retarded...Hope the women in here can help...I am 23 years old, and have casually browsed through dearcupid for a while now only to realize I am not the only 23 y/o who has never had any close physical contact with someone of the opposite sex. About me: Would consider myself fairly intelligent, physically fit, adventurous, have a very fulfilling job, compassionate, been told I am fairly good looking on two different instances, and love to live and experience life.My Background:I think there were few things that contribute to my problem: I will not make excuses or give you all a sob story, but there was a period in time back in and before high school where I became super depressed and was let down by many close friends whom I thought I could trust. Had these wild depressive spells throughout HS where I wouldn't talk to anyone for days, then again in college where I was mostly a loner. Things cleared up a bunch when I recently moved out to a different state for my job. While I deeply care for my family, a certain family member has always been emotionally barren, while the others have not. Even to this day I would have screaming arguments with this person, sometimes over silly issues. Have not spoken to this person in about 6 months and it sometimes brings me to tears when I think about the whole thing. My problem:Well, I am 23 years old and still single with no beyond-friendly contact with females. I think one of my issues is that I cannot for the life of me read other people well. I cannot say that I have a best or very close friend, mostly just acquaintances. My view on relationships is that I want to be okay with myself before I commit to being with someone else, but I have not seen the light at the end of the tunnel yet. While I have improved a bunch, I still sometimes have trust issues and overall I just don't think I'm attractive or worthy which kills my self-confidence. There are other times when I am ultra confident and I seem to notice others noticing me for it.I am willing to do whatever it takes to improve, and love challenges and getting out of my comfort zone, but I am just not sure where to go from here. A funny situation that came up before was that a co-worker was convinced that I had to be in a relationship, and did not believe me when I said I wasn't (revealing the least amount of details as possible). Little did he know...I don't think I trust anyone enough to divulge any of this info to them, which is why this anonymity is pretty awesome.What is my problem and how do I improve myself?
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male
reader, BJacobs +, writes (31 May 2011):
 I would make it a point to go beond the friendly contact with the opposite sex,you might end up finding someone. Basicly do that chigirl said and you will do fine. I truely hope for the best and that you end up happy. Also if all else fails try therapy It might help you feel more comfortable with your stituation
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 You described your own problem very well, so there is no point in asking us what your problem is.
"I think one of my issues is that I cannot for the life of me read other people well."
"My view on relationships is that I want to be okay with myself before I commit to being with someone else, but I have not seen the light at the end of the tunnel yet. While I have improved a bunch, I still sometimes have trust issues and overall I just don't think I'm attractive or worthy which kills my self-confidence."
You are standing in your own way. You need to learn to accept yourself, and fast. Be a little more strict with yourself, or else time will fly while you get older and going nowhere relationship-wise. That means, suck up what is bothering you, look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself what a great guy you are. And believe in it. Read this for example, from the other day here on dearcupid:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-can-convince-myself-of-anything-just-by.html
You can't read people well you said, so what you need there is practice. It'll come with the years, by observing and interacting. It's not the biggest concern right here and now, but you should know that more than likely you have ignored women who were interested in you. Only because you didn't understand their signals.
You have your reasons for being depressed and sad in the past, and no one can judge you and say it's not reason enough. Everyone react to their problems in their own way, and trust me, we all have our problems in life. Everyone carries something with them, but that doesn't have to stop us from living our own lives. Your past of being depressed, feeling hurt, your family issues, none of that stand in your way of having a love life. None of it. Your history is part of who you are, it doesn't own you and dictate what you can and can not do.
So, now you go tell yourself you're a catch, you're amazing, you're great, you can do it! And flirt. Flirt flirt flirt!
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