A
female
age
41-50,
*erripatt
writes:I am a 30 year old mom of two children ages 13 and 8. I started my relationship with their dad at the age of 14. Over the past 17 years a lot has unfolded.. Really bad times... Really good times. I try to sum it up to we were kids and had a lot of growing up to do. But now after all these years.. make ups break ups living together and not... He is in my life like were together but lives in his own apartment. He takes the kids twice a week but yet we all still eat dinner together and do family activities. I want to move on and grow up already... I long for someone to WANT to be with me and tell me this. He wants to hold onto the family but yet he won't commit as a normal family unit. I guess I'm craving that feeling so bad now I want to do something about it. At the same time I don't want to destroy our relationship as our children seem happy . I'm not sure however what sort of message I am sending to my kids with the lifestyle I am living. ? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): i think you also want to ensure that you do not lose the best years of your life. after so many hiccups you just want o have a "normal loving relationship". you need to tell him this and if he cannot commit to more stability then you need to move on and find love elsewhere.
regarding the kids, its the manner in which you communicate the situation with their dad. talk to them,tell them how you want to be loved. tell them that you want to be happy. kids really do understand. it may take them some time to fully comprehend but they also see their friends lives with mum and dad. they will be ok. it's the love you and this man have for them that will make it ok . its time and love they need. if you both are not bickering all the time they will see it. just don't shut them out of any major decisions. or make major decisions without weighing up the whole situation. and if you do move on and meet someone then introduce him slowly into their lives.
17 yrs is a long time to wait for final commitment. you are still young and deserve happiness. if not with this man, then another one to shower you with love, tenderness, compassion, warmth and who knows- mind blowing sex!
A
female
reader, confwom  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 After seeing all ups and downs, make ups and break ups, I think he is afraid of a commited relationship. Talk to him that you are no more 14 and has grown up a lot and could handle things. Make him understand that you want him in your life for the rest of your life and you would do the best in all. Tell him it would be the best for the kids to live together with their father and mother as a family. You need to show him the confidence that you would make things work out as a family and give him time to decide. Good luck.
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