A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 weeks pregnant and my husband told me after the last appointment that he has fallen out of love with me. I asked him how long he felt like this and he said just a few days. Can you really fall out of love in a matter of days? My husband has gone through depression this time last year, but it was dealing with his job. He says he wants to be alone and that maybe that'll give him time to miss me. Which i dont understand because we hardly spend time together. He works late, and then when he gets home he's doing homework for online classes, and I'm already going to bed. Now he says he still has love for me but he doesnt even want to spend time with me. It's almost as if he's avoiding me, but around friends and family he acts normal...joking, laughing, and he even gave me a kiss. I'm confused. Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Hey there,
Congratulations on your pregnancy - it is such a beautiful and exciting experience...I am sorry to hear that your husband has been so confused of late, it is certainly a stress you don;t need right now.
I think what is happening for your husband is not uncommon. It seems that lots of people 'freak out' at the prospect of becoming parents...even if they wanted it and planned it.
When my husband and I saw the positive result on the preg test we were both ecstatic - but as the weeks passed in my pregnancy my husband seemed to grow more distant by the day. I was so confused and felt that perhaps I had pushed him into the pregancy and that it wasn't what he really wanted. I didn't know what to think. It was so hard too - because on one hand I had never been happier, but I had never felt more lonely or sad too...
in my case my husband began an affair which continued until my child was over 6 months old (he absolutely loved the baby and they are soooo close). I am not writing that to scare you...but when we were talking through what had lead to the affair a part of it was the emotions he experienced around becoming a dad...he had ideas that he had to work more, provide more and that he wouldn;t be able to do enough, he felt scared of what a newborn would be like having never been around babies, he was afraid of 'losing his youth' - like not going out like we usued to etc...lots of things like that.
I think everyone has fears and anxieties when pregnant...will the baby bond with me and vice versa, what will it be like not to work for a period, will we still have time for each other ? etc etc....
I don;t really know what to advise, but it is good that your husband is being honest with you (and not keeping things bottled up and ultimately making stupid choices). It sounds to me that he might really benefit from talking to someone (a counsellor) about what's going on for him. Maybe even see someone together??
It will seem hard not to be angry with him right now, and you probably feel pretty terrified that your marriage is going to end - just try to take it each day at a time and see if you can get your husband to talk with someone - a neutral person who can help him identify what he is thinking and feeling, and hopefully give him/you both some strategies for moving forward from here.
Take care sweetie - I know telling you to try not to stress is pointless, but remember that you have precious cargo on board and that very soon you will meet that wonderful little person who will make you smile every single day! x
A
female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (16 September 2008):
Congratulations on your pregnancy. It seems to me your husband is confused.Its a major time for you both and maybe the big changes in your lives combined with his past depression is just getting to him at the moment.
All marriages go through rocky patches, despite what others say. My advice would be to give him some space so you can both work out how you feel in your own time.
Enjoy your pregnancy for the time being as you and your babies wellbeing is more important. In time, things will become clear and you'll be able to make plans for the future. Good luck xxx
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