A
female
age
51-59,
*gonyinthebedroom
writes:Here's my situation in a nutshell. Mr X and I have been dating for 12 years. We have never, ever, had good sex (for me). We have sex twice a week, he gets off every time and I get off once every six months only because I am so frusterated at that point that even his lacklustre performance is enough. I have told him more times than I can count "Don't do this" or "not so hard" or "dont grab me like that", yet my pleas fall on deaf ears. He does NOT hurt me in any way, he just fails to give me pleasure. I have tried sitting down with him and explaining the finer points of lovemaking ie; "Honey, you need to get me started before you start turning my breasts like radio dials". I have attempted to introduce lingerie, but that just gets him so excited he is 1000x's worse. When questioning him as to why he can't remember after 12 YEARS that I like slow kisses and gentle caresses down my neck and back (?) he looks at me and tells me that he "just gets so excited, and he just wants it". I assume that means he cant be bothered trying to make me feel good because he just wants to get off. Another major problem is his fixation with getting oral sex. He seems to think its his God given right, and sees nothing wrong with demmanding it and whining when I refuse. I refuse, because he dosent deserve it.The bottom line is I have not been having regular orgasms with him and I am sick of it. I am sick of not being able to enjoy any facet of lovemaking with this man because he is willfully and purpously ignorant. I've tried to teach him, but I swear he wont learn.He is a decent man, not the perfect man, but decent enough. He is just insanley incompetant and selfish in the bedroom. Is it time to move on and cut my losses? Is there any way to salvage this man or is it time to just walk away?Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Arent all men were fixated on getting oral ? What else do you do to train him because you cannot nag a guy into being a better lover. If you are as critical to his face as you are on here i'm suprised he's put up with you for 12 years. You should masturbate in front of him. Show him where the magic button is and how to use his fingers like you do. He should enjoy this as much as you. I know i enjoyed it when my second g/f showed my how. My first gf was a liar. One of those ones who didnt do it. Yeah sure. I didnt either. I can think of many ways to improve your orgasm count that wont depend so much on his skills but your own.I cant help wondering why you settle one orgasm per light year. I have more than that a day and i aint even got a partner. Jeez. There is something wrong with this picture.Are you saying you are frustrated but dont masturbate. EVER. If thats the case you cannot teach him and i wonder if your not blaming him unfairly when in fact your own inhibitions may be a part of this problem.12 years is a hell of a long time to stay together if he's as bad as you say and you are as unsatisfied as you say. Also. I am amazed that the constant putting him down hasnt crushed the fragile male ego yet. After 12 years of crap sex he still wants you twice a week. That aint bad. Worse case scenario is you get a rampant rabbit like 99% of women do and thank your lucky stars you have such a variety of toys to chose from because we men love regular BJ.s and if someone invents a toy for that it wont ever say no even if we dont deserve it. Heh heh. I'm working on this y know.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 Yikes. 12 years of bad sex? Whoa, you have the patience of a saint!
I know sex is everything to a relationship, but usually if the sex works so does the relationship.
I think he is lazy.
If you intend on staying in this relationship I would STOP telling him what to do SHOW him. DON'T let him "cum" before he has taken care of you. Heck, I'd even make him a bet like if you can make me come I'll give you a BJ LOL
I honesty wouldn't have lasted 12 years with lousy sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Sorry, "marriedlady", I disagree with your sums - it's worse than that.
If the poster gets off once in 6 months to his twice a week, he cums 52 times to her once.
As a percentage, that is 1.92%!!!
Appalling.
How can you, "agony in the bedroom", have survived for so long?
Do you pleasure yourself in those long, dry periods?
Speaking of which, maybe you COULD give him his blow-job, to quench his claimed over-excitement, then get him to play with you, especially your clit and g-spot, taking his time as he needs to have a refractory period before he is able to cum again and do his duty by you?
If, after having had his BJ, he is no longer interested in any activity and leaves you cold, show him where the door is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): this is totally unacceptable in my books. From the information given, you didnt make the vow, so why are you doing the 'for worse'? To finish the math this is roughly 1 in 17 times...less than 6%. That is inexcusable.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 October 2009):
 Twelve years is a long time to be unsatisfied, considering the alternative if you can find him.
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