A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My partner of many years has dumped me and i am not coping very well. i cant seem to stop thinking about him everywhere i go reminds me of him as we went everywhere together around the uk holidays and local, shops, hotels, walks, seaside. i cannot seem to erase the pain of remembering all these happy things we did together and now im doing them all alone so it hurts even more.i often just sit down and cry everyday when im out as i find it so painful the memories and being lonely. i tried dating again but i just cant seem to get anywhere with it dating today isnt the same. men dont date anymore. it makes me feel worse when they go on about meeting for sex on a first date it disgusts me. i wont do it.i never really thought i would be so down and distraught. i keep getting angry with my family and snapping at them because im sad and in emotional pain.i keep thinking about texting him but i dont want the knife to be twisted in further. his reasons were because i didnt go over to see him and he lives 30 mins away in middle of fields and i dont have a car or any transport and i have panic attacks on trains so i felt stuck.he has a brand new car good paying job while i have none of them things no car no job and yet he still insisted i go over there and make an effort even though i wont have anywhere to stay there either. i actually feel so depressed im not sure i can go through this loneliness and hell anymore. all i wanted was to see him i thought he would drive over but seems hes driving everywhere else beaches 60 miles away yet not to me. Can anyone give me some ideas on all this before i lose the will to livewe have totally stopped texting since two weeks ago now. he mentioned to be friends but i said i couldnt as i dont want it to be friends with benefits i want the committed relationship i had not breadcrumbs of friends. then he said he was blocking me on the phone i never text him after that and radio silence.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): original poster - to the people on here who have implied i am sponging off him are completely wrong i paid for most of our holidays and hotels and fuel for his car he actually sponged off me !! i had savings and he sucked them dry and keeps all his money for himself!!! Just because he works dont mean hes been paying his way i find people like him work and are truly selfish with theyre money and actually sponge off others.
Ive got friends without a penny and they are truly awesome people good hearted. people like him who work and get alot of money get truly greedy and selfish.
And today hes texting my phone asking to see me not a chance! No woman is going to put up with that treatment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): original poster - to the people on here who have implied i am sponging off him are completely wrong i paid for most of our holidays and hotels and fuel for his car he actually sponged off me !! i had savings and he sucked them dry and keeps all his money for himself!!! Just because he works dont mean hes been paying his way i find people like him work and are truly selfish with theyre money and actually sponge off others.
Ive got friends without a penny and they are truly awesome people good hearted. people like him who work and get alot of money get truly greedy and selfish.
And today hes texting my phone asking to see me not a chance! No woman is going to put up with that treatment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): This man was not ready to settle down so please remember that he was nothing special.
Expecting you to walk 30 mins through fields is downright churlish when he has a car.
I'm personally glad that you didn't try to do that as it would seem completely unnecessary in most people's eyes.
This is one of those times when you forget about dating and dry your eyes.
Rest assured you will adjust in time to see him for what he is.
You will of course eventually meet a better person if you continue to hold on to your standards.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 August 2021):
 Ask yourself this:
What do you actually miss?
My guess is you selectively think about "the good times" and forget the bad. And that is kind of normal but not helpful.
From what you write this guy didn't really treat you all that well.
He knew that you have anxiety, he knew you didn't have a car or means of transportation to go see him. He just didn't care.
If you had been together for "many years" why were you living separately? That makes no sense to me.
OP, you two were not a good fit. This wasn't meant to last.
Think about it this way, now that you are no longer dating this guy, you can perhaps find someone who is a MUCH better fit for you.
I would block him if I were you. From everything, social media, phone, etc. And remove yourself from all his. There is no point in keeping in contact.
Also, are you getting help for the panic attacks? If not maybe that is something to look into. For you.
Now is the time to focus on YOU. Don't isolate yourself, spend time with family and friends if possible.
Keep a journal for when you feel crappy. Write it down and let it out.
This too will pass.
Hugs to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2021): He might have had a car and a job but perhaps he also wanted tou to make an effort to see him? Its difficult to tell from tour post, but if you expected him to come to you every time perhaps he got a bit fed up of it especially as it was for several years. In that time you could have tried to find a job, taken some driving lessons, etc. I think you have to accept that this relationship is over and try to start again. It will take time but eventually it will get easier. Meet friends, plan activities in new places you wouldnt have gone with him, maybe join a group or class of some sort. Fill your time with other things and people and you will slowly find it easier.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (5 August 2021):
 I firmly believe that we can feel more lonely being with the wrong people (or in the wrong situation) than being alone. You and your ex may have been together for many years but you have to admit, he didn't treat you very considerately, did he? He had everything, you had nothing, yet he expected you to travel to see him. And what do you mean you would have had nowhere to stay if you had gone? Why could you not stay with him?
The last thing you need at the moment is to try to date, because you know you are not ready for that. First you must get over your loss and learn that you are capable of functioning on your own. This is the time to work on making yourself stronger. Get help to overcome your anxiety issues. Learn to value yourself for the strong woman you can be. Promise yourself you will never settle for half measures again, that you are worth much more than that.
I know it is daunting at the moment, but this too will pass and you will come out the other side stronger and wiser. You need someone in your life who will raise you up, not pull you down. Don't settle for any less.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2021): I wrote this article after I'd been dumped. I came to DC, dragging my broken-heart behind me. By the time I wrote it, I was already starting to pull myself together.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
You always ruminate and get stuck remembering all the good things of the past. It traps you in time, and you can't seem to concentrate. You can't get out of your head. I know exactly what you're going through.
Please do not allow yourself to become so dismal that you'll take a dive into despair! Please call someone when you feel yourself losing grip!
PLEASE! Don't even talk like you're entertaining thoughts of suicide! You better call a hotline or your mother, closest sibling; or go see a therapist, if things are getting that bad!
No man on earth is worth your life. That borders on worship, idolatry, and those kind of feelings are reserved only for God Himself! Not some mortal full of flaws and weaknesses! Capable of making huge mistakes, and doing what he did. He dumped you and broke your heart!
Your vengeance is surviving it, sweetheart! He was not the center of your universe. If he was, you should never have put another human being in such a lofty position. Now look what he up and done!!!
This is the critical time post-breakup. You're undergoing the withdrawal from the detachment-process. It's agonizing, but you're also being a bit of a drama queen. You can't help that, that too is part of the separation-anxiety; and the "emotional-fits" we have to overcome. I never thought of offing myself; but I was pretty beaten-up emotionally. I have the strongest empathy for you, my dear. I just worry that you would say you could lose your will to live. CUT THAT OUT!!! GET A GRIP WOMAN!!!
The pain is deep, but it's only temporary. You have to go through the withdrawal cold-turkey. Your heart is sore, and your guts are in a tight knot. I know those feelings. It's excruciating, isn't it?
The good news is, that it will pass! It hurts the most now, because it's still fresh. How long you'll suffer depends solely on you, and how much you value yourself.
If you value him above all things, you gave him power over you. You gave him control over your feelings and emotions. That's not love, that is obsession. It's mentally unhealthy. He's gone, but you can take the power out of his hands. Will it, and it will be so. He has it, only as long as you give it to him. Leave him alone.
Stop texting or calling him, it hurts when he doesn't respond. That pain is self-inflicted. You know he won't answer; and he shouldn't!!!
You aren't ready for dating, and doing it too soon is what tore you apart. You have to struggle your way back. You're not a school-girl, and the dramatics are undignified for a mature-lady who has surely seen heartbreak before. You have survived it in the past. You'll also survive this, if you don't allow the drama queen to possess you like a demon!
Read my article, laugh and cry. Pull yourself together. You have to get-it together. Find a job, and stabilize your life. Make up with your family, you need them! I mean apologize to each and everyone you've snapped at. You had no right to hurt anybody, or disrespect your own flesh and blood; because you're all twisted-up over some man. He's gone, now deal with it, girlfriend!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2021): Instead of moping about improve your life, do something constructive with your time. Get a job. Even if it is a menial, boring badly paid one. You can't expect everyone to make allowances for you being short of money or not having a car and put it all on them. You need to prove towards the relationship too. A lot of people with a job won't date someone who is unemployed, they see it as being sponged off of and being used for money. Instead of going on about what he should or should not do look at what you should and can do.
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