I Feel Like I'm Going To Lose The Love Of My Life.

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm in desperate need of help. i was in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. it was difficult and still would be if we were together. she living in canada and me living as an illigal here in the u.s. because of my parents bringing me here when i was young to give me a better life, i dont blame them. we were together for a year and a half. the first half she had lied to me about her real identity, what her name was, what she looked liked and what she did for a living. when she told me one day i was shocked, but i overlooked it and forgave her because i had grown to love her for what she had shown me she really was and that was all that mattered to me. little did she knew that i had lied to her too, not about my indentity, just what i did for a living and what my real status here in the u.s. was. she forgave me as well, but we knew it was going to be hard. we saw each other twice the next year. for a whole week the first time and a weekend the second. we couldnt really afford more. we counted that whole year as our official year together and left the first 6 months off. during that year time changed us, she would try and let me go cause she would say she couldnt do it anymore, that she felt that she had tricked me and that she didnt feel good enough for me. i tried letting her go on several occasions, but she always kept coming back the next day or two. sometimes i wouldnt really see it as serious knowing she kept coming back. i really hurt her though i wont lie. i never really showed her appreciation for all the things she did for me. and would only really try when i felt i was losing her. there were times i would get a bit tired of being with her all the time, i would lied to her that i had to work double or were out with family just to be alone. i realized that a bit late it seems. she grew tired of it, of me never taking that big step. and when i wanted to, she told me it was over. that her feelings for me were now just as friends, she started to grow a bit more distant. we would still text almost every day. she gave me another chance for a couple of months and in that time we planned for her to visit me again for a week. but before that it all went down hill again. we still decided to go on with the visit and so she came over just as friends. right when we first saw each other we couldn't hold our feelings we hugged and we cuddle and maded out and eventually had sex. the next week was wonderful as if we were back together. then it was the time to say goodbye and it hurt. she told me that was it. that she was done and that our thing was over. she couldnt do it anymore, that she couldnt trust me of not hurting her anymore. i really hurt her by not showing her appreciation of really trying all the time, of doing all the things she did for me like for my birthday or christmas. how she counted each month we were together and i would forget at times. how she would stay up late waiting for me to get hom when i would be out with friends. i really did hurt her, and it took me losing her to realize that, we still talk and i want to really try. i really want to take that big step now. i know i had many chances, but i just want one last one to start over and show her that all i want now is to be with her. she recently went to visit a friend, male, in alaska. i was hurt when i first found out. but i figured nothing could happen. then the day of her flight to alaska she calls me to tell me her flight was being redirected to my city cause of weather, and that she wanted to see me for lunch or something. so i went to pick her up at the airport when she arrived. and we went for a restaurant, when we parked she put her head on my shoulders and i looked at her and we kissed, all those feelings came back. we ended up not eating but going to a hotel and having sex. then i took her back to ther airport and she went on to alaska to visit her friend. she got back to canada a few days later. i asked her for another chance, i told her i had seen those feelings from her again. she told me that when we were actually together all those feelings were there, but when we were apart they were numb, and felt we were just close friends. i begged her for a second chance i told her everything i planned to do to be with her, she refused. i asked her if there was someone else or slight interest in someone else. she told me there was an interest on the friend she visited. that they had kissed. and that he told her he wanted to be more than just friends, but that she wasnt ready. that she still couldnt trust a guy not hurting her. i felt like i really lost her. i'm trying as hard as i can to be her friend but my feelings keep coming out and i feel like im pushing her away from me. she tells me shes not ready for a relationship, that she doesnt know what she wants. that her feelings for me are only as friends and that the feelings for the other guys are as friends also but with some interest. that the only way for her to give me a chance is to give someone else a chance. even though i want a chance i dont want her getting hurt again if thats what it might take for me to get another chance. i feel like i can really make her happy this time and i want to really try. but she keeps refusing, i dont know what to do. i feel like if i stand aside and let her be with someone else to see if our thing was really meant to happen that i will lose her completely. the reason for that is that she told me that the feelings she had for me were gut feelings that sometimes she questioned our relationship ever working, and that for this guy its not that. that even though they're not together he would do anything to see her smile. i just want to go for it and do what i can to be with her in canada even if it might take sometime. but im scared that in that time there will be someone else and it would all be in vane. please help me as to what to do.

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A female reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2010):

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