A
female
age
30-35,
*kitsumi
writes:What can I do?I'm so confused...This year is off to a horrible start. My boyfriend and I aren't riding the same bus this year. I'm having strong feelings for my best friend who goes to a different school that I wanted to go to for a very long time.I went to bed miserable with these things in mind. My feelings for my friend overcame me as I listened to some music. I flipped through each song on my mp3 player, each song reminding me of her. I hugged Pikachu plushie closer, tighter, more caringly.Then that piece came on. The soft, quiet, simple music box melody. The music that my boyfriend put on when he pulled me aside from the main dance group, the piece that we waltzed to, one that we held each other so close, so lovingly, so gentle.I couldn't stop the tears when that realization slapped me in the face. I had a boyfriend. The ring on my finger symbolized my love for him. That music was the one he picked for us to dance to. The other stuffed animals on my bed, he gave to me as gifts. I didn't want to let go of him because he was one of the only people I had, especially with my plans to be open about my orientation this year.I flung the Pikachu away from me and sobbed into my pillow. I couldn't have her. I couldn't have her because she went to a different school. Because she's my best friend. Because she's a girl too.But it was tense. I feared losing both of them. My boyfriend had been asking me for a long time "Are you sure that you want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life?" And I answered "yes" everytime. I still do answer yes, because I do want to be with him. But I want her too. I can't have her because I have him. She can't take me because I'm already taken. I want to remain with the guy I have, but I want her too.She's my best friend; separated in 6th grade because my mother took me to the school that I met my boyfriend at. We started riding that bus together. And now he has to ride the bus he rode before...Mom is certain that I won't be able to continue going to the school I'm at if my grades slip any lower, and she's threatened to take me out and put me in the school that I hate the most, the school that my best friend would be able to attend if she still lived down the street from me like she used to. I'm determined to keep out of there.I don't live close enough to the school that my best friend goes to. If only I lived closer to downtown, then I could go to her school. Then I could be with her and so many of my other close friends that have left the school I'm attending. That school is my boyfriend's zone school too!!! I can't stop these tears. I'm being torn away from the two people that I love the most of anyone; one who questions my willingness to stay with him and one that is my best friend and helped me to open up to people in the first place.Why does he ask that question? Why do I have feelings for her? Am I so selfish as to want both of them?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 As has been said you are confused not wrong. Most people want to have their cake and eat it in any case...it's a very human flaw so forgiveable. In an ideal world we would always be able to have it all but sometimes this cant be the case sadly. I think you need to get a piece of paper and write down the 'pro's and con's' of both people; this might help order things in your head, and help you make a descision as to which one you want. Good luck :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Dear Ikitsumi,No, you are not wrong! You are just confused (which is better than being wrong). As I see it, there are two ways to sort this out. You tell your friend you have such strong feelings for her, and get it out in the open. You do not need to tell your boyfriend, and I'm sure you and your friend will be able to sort it out.The second way is to sit down and think long and hard about whether you are still in love with your boyfriend, and why it is you like your friend so much. Obviously you can't have both of them, and unless your friend is attracted to members of the same sex, you won't have much luck. By thinking about the situation I am sure you can reach a decision as to what to do.
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