A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i need serious help. i'm clingy person and i tend to be obsessive. plus i'm a totaly failure at realtionships. this year i have gone through 10 different guys and then i become obsessive then they break up w/ me. i dont no why i'm like tat. i just get really lonely. living at home sucks b/c me and my family don't get alone. they call the problem and theres is only so many times you can get called and ass and a jerk. i never really had some one who loves me or at least shows it. so when i get a guy i wanna talk to them 24-7.the guy im seeing now i usually check his facebook all the timeand he just changed his password. i'm obsessive w/ him too. he told me i need to stop or where gonna have to end. and i really like him. someone give me advice on what to do plz
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (15 August 2008):
Hi darling,
I understand your feelings, but as you have recognised sometimes your behaviour can have negative effects on your relationships with guys. So its important to figure outwhat is causing you to have these feelings.
There are two main reasons I can think of-
1. The guys you are dating are total losers so its understandable and expected that you feel insecure and so on.
2. You have some insecurity issues that may have started in your childhood or during a relationship with a guy. Or a mixture of both may have contributed.
You mentioned not feeling liek you were loved when growing up. This is probably playing a role in it all, as well as being verbally abused by your family.
From only knowing about that small part of your life I think its understandable why you feel how you feel. But its important for you to deal with these feelings so you can seperate your insecurities from what is really going on. Its important you can do this because there will be times in your life where you will meet a bad guy and you might get insecure around him due to this and you might just think 'ohh im just being insecure, i should get over it'.
I suggest talking to a counsellor to help you deal with what happened in your past.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (15 August 2008):
 I suppose the first step in solving a problem is to admit to having one. You need to pick up new hobbies (dont confuse that with hubbies, lol). Going through guys like water gets old, and wears you down. Being paranoid with someone you are with that has not givin you a valid reason to be paranoid is not healthy for the relationship. Were you tramatized in a past relationship? I've always believed that in order for anyone to have trust, confidence and love in another, they have to feel those qualities in themselves first. You need to become more independant, go to school, find a good paying job, move out, manifest things in your life that productive, spend less time playing spy when it's inappropiate, and work on yourself. Does this make sence? You create your own reality, if you don't like whats happening, change it.
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