My husband is the kindest and sweetest man, but I can't stop thinking of someone else!
Q. I met this man before I married my husband. I felt like it was love at first sight, from the minute I saw him I have not stopped thinking about him. We met about 5 years ago and every day I think about him. I love my husband and nothing has ever...
A. 25 May 2005: Oh, the lure of forbidden fruit!!!! Stay away from the other dude. You said yourself, your husband is an awesome human being. Take pride in that and cherish it. A good man is WAY too hard to find...Consider yourself blessed.... (read in full...)
I've broken up with my lover. Now how do I try to make things work with my husband?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 14years and married for 9. We have a young child. I have recently ended an affair which I have had for the last two and a half years. It ended because we got just too close. We were best of friends ...
A. 25 May 2005: If you are serious about your husband, you cut all ties to the loverboy and get real about your family! Your spouse cannot, and should not be expected to fulfill ALL of your needs. But a starting place is friendship. Throw yourself into your ... (read in full...)
A lying and drug-using boyfriend led me into financial ruin. What do I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four years. My boyfriend is 23 and I am 27. I have a college degree and he does not. I am from a great family with money and he is not. Over the past couple of years he has lost all of my ...
A. 25 May 2005: If you are keeping him (and I do NOT think that is wise), you cannot be available to him financially, and he needs to know that up front and in person. He knows what happened and why. Save your own carcass first darlin!. If he cannot accept the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friends don't acknowledge me at all... and there's more...
Q. I have been dating "Bob" for 2 years now. He is 27 and the man of my dreams. However, there is this one situation with friends of his that has me quite confused. He is friends with this married couple named "Shelly" and "Nick". This couple ...
A. 25 May 2005: Well, You are right about two things..."Shelly and Nick" are incredibly rude and "Melanie" is seeing something that "Bob" is not. And apparently so is their whole family. I would bring this up with Bob and base my future plans on the answers.... (read in full...)
Four years into marriage, and I feel I married the wrong man!
Q. I am married, and have been for four years. My husband is a wonderful man, but I'm beginning to feel that I just don't love him anymore. I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, and despite care from my doctor, family and friends, as well ...
A. 24 May 2005: You need to take a LONG HARD LOOK at YOURSELF!!! How do you contribute to this problem? Does the depression change your perception of things? You said yourself that your husband is a wonderful man. A good man is WAY too hard to find and if you are ... (read in full...)
My guy is 15, so what if he's ready for something that I'm not ready for?
Q. This boy I went out with is 15 and I am 13, but I love him, and he wants to go back out with me. But I think it is serious and I don't know what to do. Now I'm afraid that he will dump me if I don't give him head, (blowjob) and he might find me ...
A. 24 May 2005: Do NOT perform sexual acts that you are not ready to do. If thats all he's looking for, he will dump you the minute he gets what he wants, anyway. You can do better than this boy!!! Keep looking.... (read in full...)
I've been dumped and I want Travis back!
Q. Hi, I am in desperate need or your assistance. My boyfriend of a year and a half has just dumped me a week ago. He tells me he loves me still and we will get back together, but it just doesnt seem likely. What can I do to get him back A.S.A.P! I ...
A. 24 May 2005: Well! and isn't it nice of him to let you know he'll be back? And what makes him think that he has the luxury of walking in and out of your life whenever he pleases? I mean, other than the fact that YOU LET HIM!!! If he cannot explain, to your ... (read in full...)
I thought he was cranky because of his job... but he was cheating with a younger woman!
Q. My husband of 18 1/2 years left 3 months ago. We have 12 year old boy/girl twins and up until maybe a year ago I actually thought he loved me. He was a good husband and good dad. I thought his criticalness and irritability of the past year were ...
A. 24 May 2005: First and foremost, remember that he is their father. Regardless of how you feel about him, they love him. So watch what you say in front of the children; you don't want them thinking less of you for attacking thier dad. As far as he goes don't make ... (read in full...)
A girl is giving me mixed signals and I don't know how to respond...
Q. Hi, at the moment I am really confused. Recently I have had really strong feelings for one of my best friends (female) but I don't know what to do; sit tight and let it pass or talk to her about it, because I am receiving mixed signals from her at ...
A. 24 May 2005: Pick one!!! and say what you have to say. They cannot read your mind anymore than you can read theirs, so you will just have to tell them. The one you already know somewhat is probably a better bet, because you are already more familiar with her and ... (read in full...)
We're both adults, but there's a bit of an age gap. Is it worth trying?
Q. Hello. Can a 36 year old man, have anything in common with woman in fifties? Should we pursue relationship?...
A. 24 May 2005: Yes, you can have a very good relationship. But that depends on what you are expecting. There would be limitations and circumstances pertaining to age to be considered, but if you are aware of them and how they will affect this relationship and are ... (read in full...)
My 35-year-old husband is messaging teenage girls!
Q. My husband of 10 years has this thing about talking to young girls ages 15 through 18 online and I think it is somewhat of an obsession. I personally do not think it is normal. I don’t understand what he gets out of instant messaging these girls. ...
A. 24 May 2005: This is NOT normal and you should be concerned. But more so by the AGE of the young ladies involved. That is a VERY fine line he's walking and it has the potential to get him in BIG trouble. Watching sexual activity online and magazines is one ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 years old, and I just don't get turned on by men. Am I a lesbian?
Q. Ok I'm Not Sure How To Put This, But I'm Sure I Need Advice. I Feel I Cant Go To My Friends So Here Goes. I Think I'm A Lesbian For The Simple Reason Males Dont Seem To Turn Me On. I'm 17 Years Old. I'm Worried People Won't Accept Me For Who I Am...
A. 24 May 2005: Not finding men a turn on does not make you a lesbian. Do women turn you on? Maybe you just haven't found the one that DOES turn your crank. There is no age limit on when that happens.Whether it is men or women, someday someone will turn your crank. ... (read in full...)
I screwed things up between us. Can I get him back?
Q. OK, I made a huge mistake and lost the love of my life. I let my stress level change me and ruin my relationship, We have been thru a lot and now he won't even answer the phone when I call, but he will listen to my messages. I have lost everything, ...
A. 24 May 2005: You might be able to re-establish this, but my question is: if he will not hear you out ...WHY? How many times have you done this to him? Is this a monthly occurance? Is he fed up with the emotional rollercoaster You can only say I am sorry so many ... (read in full...)
More on the men/ponography issue...
Q. I would like this question to be for Bev please. My husband left me and I am unhappy because of it and what he did. I have read your advice and can't help but be confused. My husband preferred porn to me and this made me feel jealous and real...
A. 24 May 2005: It is true that men are visually stimulated, and to a degree porn will satisfy that need but very few men leave their wives over a picture in a magazine. If there is split happening, there is generally more to it Boredom? The feeling that they are ... (read in full...)
No sex between us... and I think that it's because he's getting off to porn.
Q. Hi, Im going totally crazy at the moment and I dont know what to do please help. Me and my guy are not having sex. Well he tells me that he doesnt want sex and feels that this is putting a strain on things. We always had a high sex drive ...
A. 24 May 2005: Porn in of itself is not going to destroy your sex life. There is more to it than that. Maybe he finds the woman on the screen less demanding and is able to relax and just enjoy himself rather than worry about what she is thinking. Is your sex life ... (read in full...)
I kicked him out after he cheated. Now I wonder if he'll ever reform his ways...
Q. My live in boyfriend cheated on me last year by getting a happy ending massage. I found a credit card receipt for the massage parlor hanging out of his wallet. (Obviously, he's not that witty when it comes to covering his tracks). It was deva...
A. 24 May 2005: I don't think that cheating is the only problem here. You say you love him but cannot find even one good thing to say about him!? I am thinking that he has enough problems, and you can't fix them. He has to. Find someone else who is more your sty... (read in full...)
Has my long-distance guy in Germany found someone else?
Q. Hi, I've been with my bf for about 2 months. It's long distance; he lives in Germany and I'm in London. On Sunday he emailed me and said it wasn't working out and it was hurting him being with me because of the distance. I was wondering why he has ...
A. 24 May 2005: Possibly, but in all likelihood, he has realized the hardest part of a long distance relationship is the wanting, and the waiting. It is harder for some than others and just being done is easier than dealing with the emotions.... (read in full...)
He either stares at me, or winks, or he blanks me. What's he thinking?
Q. Does Malcolm have real feelings for me, or is he playing mind games? Sorry it's long, but I have to describe the situation! How do you hink he really feels? This guy that I've liked for three years is confusing me!! Here's some of the things t...
A. 24 May 2005: Having once been your teacher may be a bit of a mental block for him, but he seems to be trying to get over it. Maybe he thinks you would not be interested in a man that much older than you? If you want to take the chance let him know in no uncertai... (read in full...)
Was I stupid for not picking up on the clues that he had a girlfriend already?
Q. Last December, I started this job and almost immediately developed a crush on a coworker. I thought the feeling was reciprocated. The extent of our relationship was walking home together. A month goes by, and...nothing. I figured he hasn't asked me...
A. 24 May 2005: Obviously he is not the kinda guy you thought he was, and knowing that he is picking up other women when he is out of town and discussing it with his co- workers... Would you want to be his girlfriend? Consider yourself lucky and move on!!! ... (read in full...)
Should I suggest that we move in together?
Q. I want to ask my fiance, who I have been with for a year and 3 months to move in together soon. I really feel comfortable to live with him but don't know whether I should ask him. We have just found out that his kids are going to be with him all ...
A. 24 May 2005: You will never know how he feels about it, until you ask him. He might want to wait till the wedding, with the kids involved. Don't take it personally, but if he is up for it and there are no problems with his ex...go for it.... (read in full...)
He texts me every day, but he tells me that there's too big an age gap. What do I believe?
Q. I like him and he likes me... so why won't it work? He says that the age difference (4years) is too much and so we couldn't be together but I want to be more than friends. He texts me almost every day and I get so excited that he does. How do I tel...
A. 24 May 2005: Four years is the average age difference between men and women in ongoing relationships, usually with the man being the older of the two. BUT since you did not say how old you two are, you have to keep in mind the maturity and life experience ... (read in full...)
He's twice my age, but I love him and my family are all against us...
Q. hello! I am a 17 year old female andI have started dating a 34 year old. Everyone is against us but I love him. My family are making me choose between them and him but they have never been there for me when I needed them and we don't get on at all. ...
A. 24 May 2005: Do not lose the family. Even if they are not perfect, do NOT lose them. The 34 year old that is wanting the 17 year old is a bit too obvious. Sometimes that works, but VERY RARELY. It is all too often that this kind of age gap gets someone used ... (read in full...)
He's 20 years older. What happens in ten years' time?
Q. I am in love with a man 20 years older than me. He feels the same, but we're both worried what will happen in 10 years when I'm still young enough to go out and be a party animal and he will be considered an old man. Should we move forward to a rel...
A. 24 May 2005: Re thinking that is a good idea. When you are 40 and he is 60, how do you feel about dinner a the seniors club?! I speak with insider information. My Dad did this. It was great at first; she can't stand him now. But then he is a grumpy old man. She, ... (read in full...)
I feel older than my years already...
Q. My husband is 13 years older than me and I guess he kind of makes me feel old too. I am 21 but I already feel old and out of style. When we go into clubs all the other girls look me up and down like I am not wearing the right clothes or something. I ...
A. 24 May 2005: You can't. Be stylish for yourself. That starts with being okay with who you are and where your life is at. In a backward sorta way I feel your pain. I am always the oldest Mom at the birthdays by at least 10 years or more. I dress differently ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in her, but she's only 16. Do I tell her or wait until she finishes school?
Q. Dear cupid, I have got a problem. There is this girl that I like but she is 4 years younger than me. I'm 19 and she is 16. The next thing is that I am a technician at the school she goes to. So what do I do? Do I tell her how I feel, wait till ...
A. 24 May 2005: Okay, One: she is too young there are laws against that. Two: you work in the same school she attends. Another bad idea. Frankly I think you should not go there. It is a bad all around idea, unless you are prepared to keep it to yourself and jus... (read in full...)
My guy is 18 years older but he's the one giving the confusing signals!
Q. I've been dating a man 18 years my senior (I'm 23, he's 41)for three years now. During those three years we've called it quits twice, and have twice managed to see through our troubles. Prior to our last break-up, we had plans to move in together, ...
A. 24 May 2005: First you need to think about those 18 years. When you are 40 he will be almost 60. THINK ABOUT THAT! There are way too many mixed signals comin from a man who, at his age, should have that in order. No living together until some straight answers ... (read in full...)
Facts about his past years are coming to light. Why wouldn't he tell me himself?
Q. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 28. We get along really well and we have been dating for 8 months. My issue is, he has been engaged before, and has also lived with someone. He never told me that he was engaged or that he lived with someone. I found out ...
A. 24 May 2005: You are very young. Dating is fine, but do not rush into anything long term yet. As far as his past goes, yes, he can sit down and go into gory detail with you so that there are no surprises, but do you really want to know? Would it change the way ... (read in full...)
He's 25 years younger than me - and married - but could we still be friends?
Q. I fell in love with someone 25 years younger than me, I have been married for over 30 years. He is now married & I am very much a friend of his wife. I know that I can't have him, because of marriage & age difference. o you think that we can stil...
A. 23 May 2005: NO, Anything that involves those kind of feelings should not be ingulged in any way. It risks one friendship and two marriages...Is it worth it?... (read in full...)
Why do we get physical and abusive when we disagree?
Q. me and my boyfriend love each other but sometimes we get verbal and physically abusive when having differences what do we do? sadly loving#21...
A. 23 May 2005: I strongly suggest anger management classes for both of you, but also you both do it because you both know that in the confines of your relationship this kind of behavior is okay. If it is NOT okay for you anymore, stop doing YOURSELF. Do not allow ... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with doing my girlfriend a million favours. How do I put an end to it?
Q. How far can the knight in shining armor thing go? I have always gone too far to accomodate girls. My gf of over a year has enjoyed me fixing her drinks and snacks, tickling and backrubs, anything and everything I have to offer whenever she wants ...
A. 23 May 2005: You are being well used my man. She has already made it extremely clear that unless you are catering to her every whim, there is going to be a PROBLEM!!! Unless you want to spend the rest of your life doing that, you need to find someone who ... (read in full...)
He tells me that the porn mags and movies are no big deal, but they are to me!
Q. I have been with this guy for 5 yrs. He is not a very open person, it is just the way his family is. Anyway, I'm 37 and he is 27. He recently proposed. I accepted. I have never been married nor has he. I do have 2 teenagers but they are not the prob...
A. 23 May 2005: I agree. The fact that this used to be a togetherness thing and isn't anymore raises an eyebrow. But then I wonder about the marriage proposal. If the magazines make you feel old, maybe this is a self confidence issue too. A very real talk is in or... (read in full...)
He wasn't able to have sex with me, so I broke up with him..
Q. I broke up with a man who I had a four month relationship, love him so much, everything was perfect except sex, he could not perform intercourse, he said he was not impotent, but I think it is psychological, he is only 41. I wrote him a letter, ...
A. 23 May 2005: A good sex life is an important part of any healthy relationship. Understand there are a multitude of ways to satify your sexual needs without intercourse. Maybe it something that will never change, regardless of where it comes from. If you real... (read in full...)
He thinks that I like my friends more than I like him, so, should I dump my friends?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together a few months, and recently I have found out he has large insecurities about me and my friends. He thinks I like them more than I like him. I have told him he is the only one I care about, butI don't want to ...
A. 23 May 2005: Do not ditch the friends. Include the boyfriend in your group activities when ever possible. If you love him, say so!!! Make time for only him ( evening at home: fishing movies, etc. but gently and firmly make sure that he knows that there are other ... (read in full...)
An old flame... Can I find out what's on his mind without being too forward?
Q. This is a weird one, hope it's not too long with the background info... There's this guy that I've known for years. We worked together for 1 1/2 years and shared a fling (although we never meet outside of work) - he was in a relationship at the t...
A. 23 May 2005: I would be very careful of this idea. He cheats once, he can do it again, and he knows you are up for it.If you really want to know,express your interest, in that you want an ongoing relationship. He will say yes or no. If it is no...move on!!... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble keeping my lover interested...
Q. I'm a gay male, 38. I'm having trouble keeping my boyfriend, 32, sexually aroused. We have sex once or twice a week. What can I do to arouse him? anonymously, high and dry....
A. 23 May 2005: The sudden lack of sexual interest that was once present usually has to do with a major change in one's life. You should sit down and explain your concern about this to your partner, but be prepared for answers you might not like...they do sometimes ... (read in full...)
We always have had a "complicated" past, but now he just doesn't seem to want to talk!
Q. I've got a friend that I was seeing a while ago. We have been friends for years. We both had told each other we had feelings for each other but it never really progressed into a relationship (he wasnt ready for one), so we split, deciding to just be ...
A. 23 May 2005: I would say that the friend is moving on, call him every now and then if you feel the need to, but don't go arranging your life around it...you are definately NOT in this man's appointment book.... (read in full...)
We're close in so many ways... but I still don't know if we're friends or more.
Q. Hi I'm needing some advice. I'm a 24 yr old female & have a close friendship with this 31 yr old guy. We have known each other for a number of years but only in this last year or so have we become quite close. We spend all our time together, ...
A. 23 May 2005: He could be over protective or he could be harboring an affection for you. Your ages are not so far apart that it would not work, but you should definately ask him where he is coming from and make sure you get an answer. No straight answers, no more ... (read in full...)
Her feelings for me are evident, even though she says she just wants to be "friends"...
Q. I have been seeing this girl for five years. At the time I was going through a rough patch in my marriage. I realised what I was doing is wrong and so pushed this girl away, but not too long later we established contact again. This pushing away and ...
A. 23 May 2005: Okay, if your wife is still a part of this, you have no business even thinking it. No woman wants to be "the other woman", regardless of how she feels about you. If the wife is gone, and the friend still insists she only wants to be friends,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called out someone else's name in a dream...
Q. What does it mean when my partner calls out a woman's name in his dream real passionately? he said he was dreaming of having sex with me but my name ain't ????? and I have been away for a week. Do you think he has cheated while I've been away?...
A. 23 May 2005: He is not necessarily cheating on you...It could just be a dream...we all have them.....a repeated ,ongoing mention of the same name I could see...but once?...no. Don"t jump ship just cause a little water splashed over the side.... (read in full...)
Sometimes he makes my skin crawl when he touches me, but my bf wants sex all the time!
Q. This is a sex question. I have been with my b/f for almost 3 yrs, in the beginning things were great. Then he started drinking real bad, getting physical, very jealous, accuses me of sleeping with every man that crosses or path. I love my b/f, and...
A. 23 May 2005: This has NOTHING to do with being a quitter. He is not loving you when he puts you in that postion. If it is really as bad as all that, GET OUT!!!. There are an amazing number of truly great men in this world, just waiting for someone to love....... (read in full...)
We can imagine spending our lives together, but the thought makes him feel "old"...
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years & things just keep getting better & better. We've discovered we would like to spend our future together & cannot imagine it without each other. Now that we’ve been together for so long & thin...
A. 23 May 2005: A compicated question to be sure. If he has said he is not ready, believe him. Even a "mature" 24 year old is still only 24 and at that age he probably isn't ready for forever. A break will only complicate things. As for a long distance ... (read in full...)
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