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anonymous
writes: Hi,My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years & things just keep getting better & better. We've discovered we would like to spend our future together & cannot imagine it without each other. Now that we’ve been together for so long & things are so good, he is scared. He can see me in his future, but never expected to start his future at 24 and is not ready to “settle down”. Our age has not been a big factor in the past. I am a very youthful 31 and he is a very mature 24.He has expressed that the thought of settling down with one person makes him feel old and he feels too young to dedicate his life in this way, -at this time.Where do we go from here? Can we slow things down and still maintain a healthy relationship? Is there anything to gain by taking a “break”? (this has been suggested) What do people do when taking a break, I feel like this would be more complicated then the relationship.We’re getting together tonight to talk & I’d like to bring up this new idea. What do you think of treating it like a long distance relationship? We can talk whenever we feel we need to talk, and dedicate 1 night a week to each other (usually we see each other all the time). Almost going back to wooing each other. There needs to be an effort to maintain quality in our relationship, for me to be comfortable, and knowing we get to spend that one day with each other will bring that out. Then we will have the other 6 days to work on ourselves before committing 110% to the long-term steps a healthy relationship needs to grow.Your advice is sincerely appreciated! Thanks again.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (23 May 2005):
A compicated question to be sure. If he has said he is not ready, believe him. Even a "mature" 24 year old is still only 24 and at that age he probably isn't ready for forever. A break will only complicate things. As for a long distance relationship, any distance is still distance between the two of you. For that to work you have to be working toward the same goals. You two are not.I suggest you either accept that he isn't ready and wait him out...or find someone ready to settle down now.
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