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He didn't return my call, even after he gave me his phone number. But then he gave me a meal for free...

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Question - (20 June 2005) 9 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2008)
A , anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

I go to this restaurant all the time and noticed a very attractive waiter there. I decided after seeing him there a few times to tell him that he is very attractive on one of my visits there and I also asked if he had a girlfriend. His reply was asking me for my number, which I gave to him and he also said that he did not have a girlfriend.

I then asked him for his number and he gave it to me. A few days later I called him up and got his voicemail box and left a message asking him to call me. He did not call back. I went back to the restaurant to grab a bite and he was waiting our table, I tried not to make too much eye contact, but he kept staring at me. He then gave us our meal for free and said that it was on him. I really didn't know what to say but I am extremely attracted to him and would really like to get to know him. Should I call him back although he did not return my call or will that make me look aggressive and desperate???

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008):

It sounds like this guy is used to getting a lot of female attention since he is good looking and confident and probably has a lot of women hitting on him and gives his number to lots of people. He just met you briefly so you didnt strike enough emotional connection with him. Maybe he wasnt that interested, but he may be vaguely interested as he did flirt and give you his number. It sounds like he liked that you boosted his ego. Maybe he gave you guys a free meal so you wouldnt be upset that he didnt call and also to keep a good feeling and keep the option open.

You can try calling again, but it won't ensure a date. But what do you have to lose? Just be careful because if you go out with him and get physical or get emotionally involoved, there is no guarantee he will call you back unless you can turn things around and seduce and enchant him. Also you could not call but just go back again looking sexy, confident, flirt a bit, strike up a conversation and wait to see if he makes a move.

At this stage it wont look too desperate to call again, but you will need to be cautious and aware and charming and confident. Some important factors that make a guy interested are mystery (very very important or a guy loses interest fast, even if you are gorgeous) being hot cold (they always play that game!) being considerate, having an energetic, kind, exciting and passionate spirit, being confident, graceful body language and charm. Also guys love emotional but have to be hot cold can't appear needy. Guys are sensory oriented, your scent, voice, movements and appearance should be pleasing and exciting to his senses.

Good luck!

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A female reader, darlinglin United States +, writes (23 April 2008):

I met this guy 2 months ago. We hang out every weekend going bike riding. Last time he called me was 2 days ago, I left him a message Tuesday afternoon and he has not returned my phone call. Should I back off. Am I being too nice and attentive? Can you be??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006):

i gave this guy my number..

i asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said " actually i dont" and then i got a paper that i had written my number on and told him you can use it or not its up to you.. he got it after 2 seconds and while he turned around he said for sure..

this was on a thursday and now it is tuesday i know he worked both on sat and sunday because i work with him, but other than that how long should i wait...

and what does actually i dont mean, does it mean he usually does?

and whats for sure yes, no, maybe, not in the near future, or ill loose it soon on purpose

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A female reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):

StarNews agony auntThe only way to know the real answer is to tell him you are interested and ask him if he feels the same way. Give him a chance to respond before you say anything else. If you are open and honest, then that is the type of person you will attract. If you dont say what is on your mind, then you attract someone who may be into playing games. To me, what good honest man would not appreciate a woman who is up front and goes for what she wants? This might help to weed out some of the liars and game players. You may be setting yourself up for possible rejection, but the way I see it is you will eventually find what you are looking for...someone who likes you for who you are and not into playing guessing games. He may have given you a meal for free as a kind gesture because you made him feel good, you boosted his ego by complimenting him and exchanging numbers with him. Telling him that youre interested is being upfront without being too pushy. Mention that you wondering if he felt the same, and if does, then it is his turn to make a move. If he is interested, he will make the effort to call in a few days and/or ask you out. If he doesnt, at least you can say there is no doubt in your mind that you have made your feelings known and there is nothing more you can do but move on. What person does not like to hear that someone is interested in them? At least you have made yourself clear no matter what the outcome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005):

Reverse the roles in your mind. What if this were some guy who, once giving you his number and taking yours, showed up at your restaurant (let's presume you work at one, just for this - if you don't, that is), and when you waited his table, he barely made eye contact, playing it totally cool. What would make you want to talk to him? If you'd decided "he seems nice enough but I don't feel anything", you'd still be pleasant and all that (remember it's a public place, you have to be friendly), but even if you agree to give your number, it could be you're just not wanting to upset him where you work, thinking you'll deal with it later if you have to. How, then, would you feel if he tried calling again?

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A reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (21 June 2005):

Well, the advice that Communicatrix gave you Rocks !

I saw the guest on Oprah who wrote the book "He's not that into you."

I agree...if a guy has your phone number..he's also got FINGERS to use to dial your number.

If he doesn't phone you...he's not that into you.

Phoning him repeatedly PROVES you are desperate.

If he DOES eventually phone you & ask you out...tell him you are busy & can't see him until the following week.

It is a KNOWN FACT that men love the hunt...if they can conquer a woman too fast...they lose interest & lose respect.

If he's REALLY into you...he'll keep calling & calling and want to romance you & win your heart...so let him do it !

I believe there are still good old fashioned values which stand the test of time.

Guard your heart...keep your self-respect intact.

I would also advise you find another restaurant !

When you meet the right guy he will pursue the hell outta you !

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A reader, robinlovescena +, writes (21 June 2005):

robinlovescena agony aunti dont think that you look desperate in this situation. you really like this guy, and calling him is no big deal. he may of changed his #, or forgot to check his phone for a voicemail. dont get upset. there are many things that could of happened. keep calling, and when he finally answered, then ask him if he is interested in you at all, and if he would ever consider going out with you sometime. just bcuz you are the girl does not mean that you can not ask hima simple qiuestion about a relationship. i think that it is stupid for chicks to think that!!! well think about what you are doing. i think that you are doing well so far. keep it up. you are definatly not being desperate.

good luck

~Robin~

aka advice gurl

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A reader, communicatrix +, writes (21 June 2005):

communicatrix agony auntLet's review:

--YOU approached him first

--YOU asked HIM for HIS number

--when you called him, he did NOT call you back

And you're asking if calling him AGAIN is GOING to make you look desperate?

Trust me, honey--he already knows you're desperate.

Not that in every instance it's true, but more often than not, if a guy is really interested in a gal, he makes it known. And if he doesn't...well, what do you want with a guy who's not that interested? (Don't know if the phenomenon that is "He's Just Not That Into You" has caught on in the U.K., but it's worth a read in the bookseller's: it's not all true, all the time, but there's enough truth in it that it can be enormously clarifying.)

I'll make one exception, here: if you're looking for some quick booty, to hell with propriety. Go for it. Chase him down, flirt shamelessly, hunt down your prize. But if you're looking for any kind of a relationship, I'd say you're looking in the wrong place. He's made that clear as politely and graciously as he can.

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A reader, Dear Kelly +, writes (20 June 2005):

I would say don't call him, you may be playing into his hands and like you say being too 'desperate' you have done your part by calling him and him not returning the call, suggests that maybe he just likes your attention and nothing more.

You may also have come acrossed as being too forward by asking him for his number without even knowing wether he liked you or not,....usually it's men that like to be the forward ones, and can get abit scared off, if us women are too forward.

I would suggest in showing no interest in him now, and if he likes you i'm sure he will then let you know about it in someway or another, if you reg visit his restraunt.

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