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male
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anonymous
writes: I would like some input from men and women on this issue. When dating someone, it is customary that you ask questions to get to know the person? Some common questions might be: What drugs have you used, do you drink, do you want children, etc. Is it inappropriate to ask someone you are dating how many sex partners they have had?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Depends at which point - not the kinda thing you ask on a first date, but a few weeks in then yes, if you word it very very well. get it wrong, and you'll give the wrong impression.
A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (27 December 2005):
 There are certain things you ask on certain dates, but the one question you don't ask on the first date is how many people have you slept with? Or How many girls/guys have you gone out with.
Some may find it intruding and try and shut you out and it can be very difficult to gain that comfort zone again.
Those questions you start asking once you know you both 100% comfortable with each other.
Ask her about her family, about her friends, what she does in her spare time. that kinda thing.
It's like swimming you first need learn how to swim before you jump in the deep end!
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):
 I look as the first date as an interview, becuz that is just what it feels like. On a first date, I would keep the conversation light and not get too personal. I get to know their personality; how they treat me, if they are a good listener, open doors, etc. I am a good judge of character sometimes even before I person speaks to me. I dont like to get too deep into our lives and definetely dont talk about past relationships.
I try to think of positive things that the majority of people enjoy talking about; their accomplishments, goals, job/career, pets, family, children, likes/dislikes, hobbies. I steer away from sensitive subjects such as religion and politics, especially drugs/alcohol use or how many people someone has slept with.
I feel there is the right time and place for everything and use your best judgement when asking certain questions, as you get to know this person and take more of an interest in them. There are also alot of things you can learn about a person just from observing them.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 December 2005):
I think that question can be very inappropiate, especially if the person is a virgin they might get very embarrased, yet, you DO have the right to ask that if you two are gonig to have sex. As you need to know what are the risks of STD's and so on.
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (24 December 2005):
Whether or not any question is appropriate in the general sense of the word does not come into it. If you feel you want to ask the qestion, then ask.
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male
reader, ambiguous +, writes (24 December 2005):
It does not require great play of tongue to ask questions as these. Bring up the issue of morals, discuss in this what you value in terms of a relationship. You will find in many ways a person's true self through these discussions, how else can a person hold morals unless they have thought on and valued them?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005): The true question becomes do you really want to know? Maybe it would be better to ask some more roundabout questions about their attitudes toward dating, sex, and relationships. Generally I think that information proves more useful and often gives you a clue to their history. However, I think its okay when the questions are related to STD's and ensuring your own safety.
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